Weekly News Roundup (Nov. 24-Nov. 30)

- British teacher in Sudan sentenced to prison, possible lashing for letting toddlers name a Teddy bear after Muslim prophet. As for the other parties involved, the kids were penalized with a harsher sentence of no naps for a week and removal of all non-primary color crayon privileges.

- Diplomatic relations between UK and Sudan strained after Teddy bear incident, while angry mob calls for the teacher's execution. However, the 'Muhammed bear' has still a way to go before decrowning Mortimer The Traveling Bear as 2007 Most Maleficient Cuddle Toy.

- Shocking study reveals two thirds of NYU students would up give up their right to vote for a year's tuition, while 20% say an iPhone touch would do. Politicians: don't be discouraged just yet. These people are known to drop their price tag after two beers and a roofie.

- Dutch police arrests teenager for stealing virtual furniture from social networking site. Who could have foreseen that technology would provide with all these brand new venues of crime for OJ Simpson to perpetrate and get acquitted of?

- Canadians' beer drinking habit might be a threat to the environment. Dude, first Celine Dion and now this?.

THIS JUST IN: Study Says Waiting Too Long to Have Sex Linked to Sexual Dysfunction Later in Life. Producers of Porky's, American Pie as well as impatient high school boyfriends everywhere to be presented with medal of honor for selfless services in the field of public health.


Not since the times of Helen of Troy has the world seen so much political turmoil over some dusty 'ol piece of rug. Click Here To Read More

True Dat, Rat (Part 2)

Pearls Before Swine, by Stephan Pastis


From here Click Here To Read More

ProcrasTV: Gimme Moore

This is a video for the intersecting demographics of fans of hefty lefty Michael Moore, prison-docs watchers and Scandinavophiliacs in general. Sweet place indeed, but bear in mind this kind of social stability can't be achieved overnight.

(Unless you live in a country where night lasts for six months.)


Nor-Güey, Jose! Click Here To Read More

Exclusiva: Personal (Shopper) Jesus

"What Would Jesus Buy?" is the title of a new documentary produced by Morgan Spurlock, designed to portrait the anti-consumerism efforts of an artist to convert people to his "Church of Stop Shopping." Although probably intended as a rhetorical question, the title sparked our curiosity enough to have a brief interview with the original life-savior JC himself, so he could give us some insight into what items made it into his shopping list this season. Here's what we got.



SHOPPER PROFILE
Name: Jesus Of Nazareth
Occupation: Messiah, (also known for his brief stint as a painting model during the Renaissance)
Age: 33
Ethnicity: Jewish, Middle-Eastern.

WHAT'S ON MY WISH LIST

1) When In Rome, (DVD). Starring Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen.

JC Sez: "I like the Olsen twins. Other people claim to follow my footsteps, but they're the ones who try harder. From the Boho look, to the cult status, to the endless fasting, they really 'nail' it -no pun intended. I also like Rome. I don't know why, but I always feel at home over there."

2) Crocs Clogs.

JC Sez: "Very useful when waking on damp surfaces like, you know, water."

3) SAMPAR Skin Care products.

JC Sez: : "Not for me, though. It's for all those lepers I cured. I feel I kinda owe them. They didn't have to worry about these things before I came along. All I can say to them is 'I can give you back your skin but, daily moisturizing, that's a whole nother issue.' "

4) Cher- The Farewell Tour (DVD)

JC Sez: "I've always sympathized with Cher. We've both achieved success without the help of a last name and we've been around for about the same time. However, I never had a particular interest in her, until this thing kept popping up on my Amazon.com recommendations list. All I did was type that I was 33 and single. Odd."

5) Electric Wood Chipper

JC Sez: "Next time they won't get me, I'll be waiting for them! (Laughs) Just kidding."

PRODUCTS THAT WILL NEVER MAKE IT TO YOUR SHOPPING LIST: "Anything related to The Da Vinci Code. But not because of what they say about me. It's just that Tom Hanks mane. It's just sinful."

Alright, people. These are a few things to keep in mind. After all, His birthday is just around the corner. Click Here To Read More

Maybe Sesame Street really isn't suitable for children after all...

Late Bird special.

Happy Thanksgiving!

From here Click Here To Read More

Weekly News Roundup (Nov. 17-Nov. 23)

- Citizens of Lebanon left in confusion, as huge void sits atop of its government. This wouldn't happen in America. Here they would promptly find a way to have the vacuum re-elected for a second term and have it send the country to war.

- Writers' strike blamed on delaying Da Vinci Code prequel, starring Tom Hanks and his hair. And you thought the whole point of a strike was to make people fear it would have a negative impact on their lives.

- A new film starring Angelina Jolie as a cave-dwelling reptilian creature that preys on men's weaknesses, to seduce them and destroy them, opens in the US. And aside from this interesting Jennifer Aniston-financed documentary, the film Beowulf also hits theatres.

- Detroit named most dangerous city in the US. And if you have a problem with that, the city will smash you with another Supremes-inspired movie-musical starring Beyoncé.

- Surgeons remove ten-pound hairball from woman's stomach. On the lighter side, we finally get to know who's Jodie Foster been dating all this time. Click Here To Read More

Times are a-changin'

A few signs that times might be catching up wtih us:

- Big Bird's early DVD's relegated to adult section. In which, with a name like that, we foresee a great future.

- Born to be wired. Hollywood young'uns just can't wait to have their first OD, can't they?

- This isn't your grandma's nude calendar. ...Or is it?

- My old mule ain't what it used to be. Drug mule, that is.


Big Bird and Adult Videos: Birds of a feather...? Click Here To Read More