Weekly News Roundup (Dec. 29- Jan. 5)

- Leno back on the air sans scribes. Puhleeze. That jawline alone can spawn a month's worth of punchlines.

- Britney hospitalized, ditched by lawyers. Inspired by Leno's example, Britney proceeds to continue sparking comedy without writers.

- Hillary finishes third on Iowa cacus, retooling strategy in NH. A 'big black woman' latex suit is being made for the ocasion.

- Man falls from Manhattan skyscraper, lives to tell the horror.On the downside, the building was taken off The Suicidal Traveler's Top Ten Hot Spots list.

- Women stuck 2 days in elevator Felt sense of relief when they finally made it all the way to the top of Dolly Parton's wig.

THIS JUST IN:
- Friends Stand Up For Saudi Jailed Blogger. Unlike, you know, other blogger's friends who would leave him abandoned with a demented Chinese prostitute in a Thai prison after a horrible misunderstanding involving such blogger's ignorance of the country's sodomy laws. You bastards! You will rue the day!! I mean, huh? Click Here To Read More

Weekly News Roundup (Dec. 15- Dec. 21)

- Panthers' fans to use Jessica Simpson masks to jinx Cowboys. Always the good sport, Jessica offered to hook them up with the surgeon that gave her hers.

- Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister reveals she's pregnant. True to Spears clan form, she added that the baby is a girl, which in turn is scheduled to deliver her own baby as soon as she gets out of the womb.

- Ailing leader Fidel Castro says he doesn't intend to cling to power forever. Phew, just in time to avoid being stigmatized as a dictator.

- Store-employee learns co-worker is birth mom. The 22-year-old man reportedly regrets that in all these years hadn't thought of paging her through the PA before.

- Study shows sex ed in schools may help delay teen sex."Not if I can help it" said Britney Spears' mom, before letting out an ever-so-wicked laughter... Click Here To Read More