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McCain gets McAble

A new episode on the McCain political saga.

Tom Gosinski Surfaces to Retell Cindy McCain Drug Story
Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 10:48:22 AM
By Amy Silverman

Tom Gosinski has surfaced. The guy who blew the whistle to New Times on Cindy McCain's prescription drug theft surfaced this week at a Holiday Inn in the Washington, D.C. area, telling his story again.

Full story here

On Cindy's defense we can say a few things:

- There's no other way to put up with John McCain than being high.

- Developing a drug habit it's the best way to create a selfless charity.

- You know she's a true Republican because she didn't use tax-payers money!

A great woman indeed... Click Here To Read More

Election Day Lexicon

From Daily Candy:

It’s Elected! Boogie-Woogie-Oogie
Election Day Lexicon

Faster than a speeding ballot. Sweeping primaries in a single bound. Look up in the sky: It’s a gimmick; it’s a cliffhanger; it’s punditocracy.

20/20 vision
n. the media’s tendency to blow small issues totally out of proportion for the sake of news show fodder.

between Barack and a hard place
n. the sphere in which undecided democrats linger to contemplate the electability of candidates.

I heart Huckabee
n. a bad movie and campaign.

it takes a village idiot
phr. a Washington proverb.

meet Romneys
n. The persistent desire to poke Mitt’s handsome sons on Facebook.

mock the vote
n. when people too embarrassed to admit they’re clueless about the voting process make awkward jokes to remain elusive.

over the Hillary
n. undecided voter syndrome wherein the desire to see a woman in the White House is overrun by one’s dislike for Hillary.

pundIt girl
n. the token female analyst who sits at the table with Wolf Blitzer and co.

scamdidate
n. an unviable aspirant who just confuses the public (see: Ron Paul).

super delegetsome
n. when powerful insiders use their influence to score dates with campaign managers and candidates’ daughters.

Disclaimer: I like Hillary and the Huckabees movie. I'm just reposting what they wrote 'cause I found it funny. Don't shoot this (anti-Microsoft) messenger. Click Here To Read More

"This plane will indeed hit the White House."

Hill is out to prove that she can make things take off without a cock pit.


" Oh stewardess! I speak jive."

(*) The caption is a quote from the 1980 film Airplane! Any similarities to the current political landscape are unintentional and pure coincidence. Click Here To Read More

Revolution will be TiVo'ed

A basic principle of TV writing is that viewers are drawn to shows where they see themselves represented, so it's only fascinating to see this TV Guide report where US presidential candidates talk about their favorite TV shows. Of course you can expect them to give their pre-sanitized press-conference-ready, but for that reason we present you we a detailed analysis of their answers. Here's the breakdown:

1) Hillary Clinton
What she said: Her favorite shows are HGTV makeover shows, Grey's Anatomy, American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
What it says about her: The central dramatic element in makeover shows is acceptance, in Idol and Stars is popularity while in Grey's is Katherine Heigl's ass. Expect her to use all three as deciding criteria if she become's president.
If her presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: Commander in Chief, were Geena Davis is like a female version of her.
Not on her TiVo: Monica Lewinsky's dating show, Mr. Personality


2) John Edwards
What he said: Mentions Perry Mason as favorite all time show and Sam Malone from Cheers as favorite all time character.
What it says about him: He hasn't been near a TV set since the Reagan administration.
If his presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: Three's Company if only 'cause he looks like John Ritter, no?
Not on his TiVo: We would say Fred Thompson on Law & Order... but he names it as his guilty pleasure. (WTF?)


3) John McCain
What he said: Claims to like Prison Break, "because as a fellow prisoner, I always dreamed and plotted how I would break out of the Hanoi Hilton."
What it says about him: This uncalled-for bragging quip shows this is a man who's very mature for his age.
If his presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: 24, with the 72-year-old Senator having people wondering if he'll make it alive 'till the end.
Not on his TiVo: Sex And The City, so not even his TiVo would dare to think he's gay.


4) Barack Obama
What he said: His favorite TV character of all time is SpongeBob SquarePants.
What it says about him: Isn't a man who has a pink starfish for best friend the ultimate metrosexual?
If his presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: Flavor Of Love, because no other African-American fella could make so many white men go green with envy.
Not on his TiVo: Commander in Chief. Click Here To Read More

Guey Awards: Best UnAcceptance Speech 2007

The front-runners in this race are:

1) "I have a wide stance."
- Republican Sen. Larry Craig when asked to explain why he was playing footsie with an undercover cop at a Minneapolis airport bathroom. As to why he was sneaking his hand under the wall stall to reach the officer? "I was trying to pick up a piece of paper."

2) "Cruising the Internet for minors? No, I was just doing field research for my psychiatric work."
- Italian priest Tommaso Stenico after he was secretly filmed making advances to a young man he met online.

3) "I'm not gay. I just offered the stocky black guy $20 and oral sex because I was afraid I'd be attacked by him and the other black men in the area"
-Florida Republican Legislator Bob Allen, after being arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover cop in a Florida public restroom. Allen claims he feared becoming "another statistic."

What the experts say:

Given that this award is given on the merits of creative writing (e.g. talking your way out of a crappy spot.), it's hard to pick a winner. Experts and pundits point out that all of them have cleverly resorted to sensitive issues to justify their actions.

Here's the breakdown:

Stenico wanted to show how the Catholic Church is embracing the new millenium, by using the information superhighway to do what's been doing for years: reach out to, er, touch the heads of youngsters everywhere.

On the other hand, Larry Craig opted for a more sophisticated approach. He cleverly throws you off by making you ponder 'why would anyone want to pick-up a piece of paper -hell, ANYTHING at all- from the nasty floor of an airport bathroom?' But he knows you'll find the answer quickly: Global Warming. By valiantly saving that piece of paper from ending up un-recycled, Mr. Craig made sure he was on his way to make his 'wide' carbon footprint a bit smaller. Hey, if that angle made people watch a documentary starring Al Gore...

But my money has to be on Bob Allen. First of all, he trusts the audience will automatically empathize with his argument, because clearly everyone knows that the best way to avoid being attacked by a bunch of black dudes -even if they're just roaming around minding their own business- is, of course, offering them 20 bucks and a bj (second only to distracting them with a basketball.) This strategy never fails, and if you're good enough at it, it might even get you a guest spot in an upcoming urban radio hit. Second, he hopes that instead of being labeled gay, people will hopefully out him as racist and send him to rehab. Rehab! All that free press and rounds of post-rehab talk show time! You have to admit chunky's got brains. Plus, Allen must be rubbing his hands together, at the thought of being stranded 28 days with only him, Isaiah Washington and a wad of twenties.

So as you can see these favorites will be tough to beat, but I guess we'll have to wait until the year is over until all is said and done. Click Here To Read More

News Quiz: IRANGAyTE

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon."

From the following sentences, choose the one that better completes the previous newsnote:

a) The President then added "...we just have a lot of men who get curious and frisky when drunk."

b) "We just have a lot of sensitive, good looking men who haven't found the right girl yet."

c) I guess that would account for the beige carpeting, pleaded khaki and nasal hair epidemic.

d) ...so, who designs all those cute burqas then?

e) In other news, Madonna just cancelled her future tour dates in Teheran, and Diesel stores have undefinitely folded their plans to set shop in the region.

f) Funny. My dad made a similar statement once regarding his family...

Click Here To Read More