Exclusiva: Ker-ching of Pop

According toReuters:

"Michael Jackson's famed Neverland Valley Ranch in California will be foreclosed and sold on March 19 unless the pop star pays a balance of nearly $25 million, property records showed on Tuesday."

Surprisingly, as it happens everytime he's in financial trouble, the singer is resorting to yet another rehash of his repertoire of hits, via an album called Thriller 25. So if you didn't have the chance to buy Billie Jean in the original Thriller, or in HIStory, Blood On The Dancefloor, and Number Ones, here's your chance!

Now, ever the selfless souls, here at Güey Watcher we have come up with other entrepreneurial ventures that might be more profitable for the financially challenged chanteur.

Here's the list of products we could see Michael launching to great success:

- Jesus Juice. Instant booze! Turns wine into water in no time! This ish is biblical, man! Ideal for frat parties but, hey, be careful not to leave it around unsuspecting underage people (wink, wink.)

- Mr. Potato Head: Michael Jackson Edition. Have as much fun redoing his face as many times as you want! It's no skin off his nose! (...Or is it?)

- Inflatable Liz Taylor sidekick doll. Have endless fun trying to blow her up in full! Get all your family in on the good times! Your gay soirees have never been this classy.

- Yo-yo Baby. Extra-expandable baby leash. Dangle your favorite infant off the highest balcony. Comes with a full 'how-to' manual, so you can learn to perform tricks as 'the pyramid' and 'the human gazpacho.'

If these products don't do the trick, Michael, you can always try one of the following tactics: you can sell the Beatles' catalogue in parts, I'm sure a lot of guys would like to own that catchy 'number nine' from the White Album. Or you can charge royalties to all those comedy writers whose job you've made so much easer over the years.

Whatchu waitin' for, Jacko? Don't let the deprive you from your God-given right to be black-mailed. To paraphrase South Park: "there's no point in taking another poor black man to court."


Michael's finances take a nose dive.