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Hairism: Exile On No-Mane Street?

A new social phenomenon has taken over the watercooler conversations of sociologist all around the world. (Bear in mind that in the workspaces of sociologists, watercoolers are not a casual meeting point, but they're kept under glass and mantained under strict observation, given the significant social barometer they constitute.) This new phenomenon is that of hairism, which is a form of discrimination against those of individuals who enjoy less hair density (if any) than other people.


Studies have shown McDreamy's magnetic appeal drops dramatically when his hair does.

First symptom was the emergence of an organization called Brothers Against Lack-of-hairers Difamation (B.A.L.D.) This society was formed to stop negative portrayal of hair-impaired people (PC term) in the media. Shorn Blunt, the (hairless) head of this organization points out: "The mainstream media portrayal of follicularly impaired people is always negative. We saw this earlier with action film villains like Lex Luthor and Darth Vader. But now it's even worse. You watch Ironman and you can tell who the bad guys are just because they have no hair." According to Blunt: "They overlook the fact that our people has given so much to the arts and sciences, people like William Shakespeare and Mr. Clean." Recent Britney Spears' bald head episode didn't help matters.

Whether this social trend will take off will remain to be seen but, just in case, John McCain is already looking for a way to incorporate this into his political strategy, claiming "Democrats are not the only ones who can play the minority card."

Side effects: dramatic increase on the research for hair-loss prevention on animals has lead to questionable results.

For more info and moral support visit Balds R US.com

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Madonna and Tina Turner: Dinosaurs or American Idols?

From the Ticketmaster official site.



Tina Turner... Madonna... Dinosaurs! Click Here To Read More

Australians demand to have their country relocated.

Australians have taken to the streets, in a massive plea to have their country change its geographical location.

For ages, Australians haven't been very happy with their situation, occupying a spot on the globe which is scientifically referred to as 'the armpit of Earth.' "It sucks not to have a neighboring country" says one unhappy citizen "You see how Venezuela and Colombia, or Iraq and Afghanistan, how much fun they have with each other, and we have been deprived of that experience." Situation only became worse recently after the Spice Girls decided to cancel their concert dates Down Under altogether,but the straw that broke the camel's back was when Madonna announced that she would also skip the country in her upcoming tour. "We're missing all these great concerts, nobody wants to play here because it's too f*cking far!" says one concerned Aussie. As to where they want to be placed, Australians will soon launch a referendum to decide on a new location. "I don't think it will be in North America because, you know, they already have Canada. But it will surely be somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere because there's something so wrong about putting up a Christmas tree in the summer. It has to come to an end." claims a person knowledgeable in the subject. Recent polls say public opinion leans toward 'a nice spot in the Mediterranean or near Africa,' with most people rooting for a spot near Gaza strip , since they've heard it seems to be quite a hot spot. Click Here To Read More

Good On Paper

Here at The Güey Watcher are proud to present you with our initiative to expand our business to the publishing world. That's right, coming soon to a bookstore near you The Güey Watcher Books. Right now we're busy working on building our author roster, but I think it's safe to present you with a preliminary list of the titles we'll be happy to bring you soon enough.

- How To Kill Yourself Or Die Trying, by Owen Wilson

- The Thin Red Line (Or Flashing For Dummies), by Britney Spears

- State Of Denial, by Clay Aiken

- A Body for Life, by Mo'Nique (we went with this title since we figured A Never-ending Ass might have turned off some readers.)

- The Purpose Driven Life, by Anna Nicole Smith

Hope you enjoy our selection and if you have any suggestion as to the authors and titles you'd like to see in our list, you're more than welcome to post in the comment section below.

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News Roundup, April 22

- US families claim to be forced to pick between gas and food. Thank God there's still Taco Bell which gives you both in one.

- Sony comes up with wafer-thin TV. It's designed to make Vh1's programming look more substantial.

- Michael Bolton, Celine Dion make it to list of top ten most annoying singers. Showbiz moguls from Vegas are ready to contact the rest of winners who don't have a show deal already.

- Hillary connected to Angelina, Madonna by DNA. Sources rushed to clarify they were not talking about Bill's, but her own.

- Former Bush press secretary becomes TV pundit. People thought he was brilliant until they realized they weren't watching Stephen Colbert Click Here To Read More

Now, this would make a great T-Mobile ad.

From Gizmodo

The life of 20-year-old Emine, and her 24-year-old husband Ramazan Çalçoban was pretty much the normal life of any couple in a separation process. After deciding to split up, the two kept having bitter arguments over the cellphone, sending text messages to each other until one day Ramazan wrote "you change the topic every time you run out of arguments." That day, the lack of a single dot over a letter—product of a faulty localization of the cellphone's typing system—caused a chain of events that ended in a violent blood bath (Warning: offensive language ahead.)

To find out more on the story...
The surreal mistake happened because the ex-husband's cellphone didn't have an specific character from the Turkish alphabet: the letter "ı" or closed i. While "i" is available in all phones in Turkey—where this happened—the closed i apparently doesn't exist in most of the terminals in that country.

The use of "i" resulted in an SMS with a completely twisted meaning: instead of writing the word "sıkısınca" he wrote "sikisince." Ramazan wanted to write "You change the topic every time you run out of arguments" (sounds familiar enough) but what Emine read was, "You change the topic every time they are fucking you" (sounds familiar too.)

Emine then showed the message to her father, who—enraged—called Ramazan, accusing him of treating his daughter as a prostitute. Ramazan went to the family's home to apologize and was greeted by the father, two sisters and a lot of very sharp knives.

Injured and bleeding, Ramazan found Emine and killed her with another knife. He later killed himself in jail.

Apparently it's not the first incident of this kind caused by the damned dot on top of the letter i. The local press has pointed out that the faulty localization of cellphones in Turkey is causing "serious problems" when it comes to certain "delicate words" in Turkish, and they are calling to enhance localization of technology to avoid these mistakes.

Alternatively, the press could ask for banning knives from the homes of demonstrably stupid people. Click Here To Read More