Güey Awards: Lifetime A-cheatin' Award

Here are the nominees to the Award for achievement in non-acting one's age, bravely represented by the following (b)old performances:

- Harrison Ford, for not thinking he was too old to once again take on the role of Indiana Jones.

Out-of-the-ark stuff?

- Sarah Jessica Parker for not thinking she was too old to once again take on the role of Carrie Bradshaw.

Is that vintage?

- Madonna for not thinking he was too old to once again take on the role of femme-fatale in her new album and tour.

Senior-ita mas fina

Who will take home the prize? Stay tuned... Click Here To Read More

Guey Awards: Comeback Kid

This might be one of the coolest comebacks I've seen recently. The song is quite nice as well.


This lady, on the other hand, is in desperate need of a comeback vehicle. Or maybe some kind of vehicle to bring her back... home to Minnesota.

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Guey Awards: Best UnAcceptance Speech 2007, new additions.

Here's a few additions to the candidates to this blog's own Güey Award for Best UnAcceptance Speech 2007. As you all now, the winner in this category will take home a golden statue of Cleopatra, Queen of de Nile. The award is bestowed upon the gentleman of homosexual persuasion who comes up with the best excuse after being caught red handed cruising for a bruising. The newest additions are:

1) "I was feeling sick, my friend was only trying to help me."
- Boyband US5's Richie Stringini, explaining why he was photographed shirtless at a Berlin gay club's bathroom stall, with the aforementioned friend's face in his crotch.

2) "He said he was going to take me to a party with 'really cool girls."
- Mexican gossip TV reporter Fabian Lavalle, after being found tied up and beaten up, at a seedy hotel into which he checked in with a guy who 'turned out' to be a male escort.

Here's the breakdown:

According to the experts, Mr. Lavalle has definitely have to score some extra points for his chuzpah. He wants people to believe he picked up a random guy on a Mexico City street, in the middle of the night, and followed him into a sketchy hotel because some 'cool ladies' were waiting for him. Because, you know, that's what famous TV straight guys have to resort to when trying to score some poo tang. A famous guy driving a bimmer is such a turn off that they have to recruit the wingman services of the much more appealing male prostitute.

However, hats -and maybe other things- have to be tipped to Mr. Stringini who, instead of hugging the spotlight, decides to give his friend well-deserved props. According to his version, he was feeling ill in such a way, that his friend had to take him into a bathroom stall, take his shirt off and sink his face in his crotch, runnning the risk of people misinterpreting the situation, all to make the singer feel better. I'm not sure about the healing effects of such maneuvre but, hey, I wish I had more friends who'd be willing to do the same for me. Oh, and he also claims he had no idea the club was gay. Right. Now, you might not have heard of this band US5, but apparently they're big in Germany. As to how big, well, you might have to ask Richie's friend.

So it seems the race for this award is getting tighter. Let's see how things turn out when the time comes to hand out the prize, which is rumoured to be presented by Clay Aiken. Stay tuned. Click Here To Read More

Guey Awards: Best UnAcceptance Speech 2007

The front-runners in this race are:

1) "I have a wide stance."
- Republican Sen. Larry Craig when asked to explain why he was playing footsie with an undercover cop at a Minneapolis airport bathroom. As to why he was sneaking his hand under the wall stall to reach the officer? "I was trying to pick up a piece of paper."

2) "Cruising the Internet for minors? No, I was just doing field research for my psychiatric work."
- Italian priest Tommaso Stenico after he was secretly filmed making advances to a young man he met online.

3) "I'm not gay. I just offered the stocky black guy $20 and oral sex because I was afraid I'd be attacked by him and the other black men in the area"
-Florida Republican Legislator Bob Allen, after being arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover cop in a Florida public restroom. Allen claims he feared becoming "another statistic."

What the experts say:

Given that this award is given on the merits of creative writing (e.g. talking your way out of a crappy spot.), it's hard to pick a winner. Experts and pundits point out that all of them have cleverly resorted to sensitive issues to justify their actions.

Here's the breakdown:

Stenico wanted to show how the Catholic Church is embracing the new millenium, by using the information superhighway to do what's been doing for years: reach out to, er, touch the heads of youngsters everywhere.

On the other hand, Larry Craig opted for a more sophisticated approach. He cleverly throws you off by making you ponder 'why would anyone want to pick-up a piece of paper -hell, ANYTHING at all- from the nasty floor of an airport bathroom?' But he knows you'll find the answer quickly: Global Warming. By valiantly saving that piece of paper from ending up un-recycled, Mr. Craig made sure he was on his way to make his 'wide' carbon footprint a bit smaller. Hey, if that angle made people watch a documentary starring Al Gore...

But my money has to be on Bob Allen. First of all, he trusts the audience will automatically empathize with his argument, because clearly everyone knows that the best way to avoid being attacked by a bunch of black dudes -even if they're just roaming around minding their own business- is, of course, offering them 20 bucks and a bj (second only to distracting them with a basketball.) This strategy never fails, and if you're good enough at it, it might even get you a guest spot in an upcoming urban radio hit. Second, he hopes that instead of being labeled gay, people will hopefully out him as racist and send him to rehab. Rehab! All that free press and rounds of post-rehab talk show time! You have to admit chunky's got brains. Plus, Allen must be rubbing his hands together, at the thought of being stranded 28 days with only him, Isaiah Washington and a wad of twenties.

So as you can see these favorites will be tough to beat, but I guess we'll have to wait until the year is over until all is said and done. Click Here To Read More