The Güey Watcher

Take On Them

2008-10-12T09:24:00.001-07:00

Brillant send-up, funny as hell.

There's nothing to it... Vote

2008-09-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

This is sheer genius.

McCain gets McAble

2008-09-11T12:10:00.001-07:00

A new episode on the McCain political saga.

Tom Gosinski Surfaces to Retell Cindy McCain Drug Story
Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 10:48:22 AM
By Amy Silverman

Tom Gosinski has surfaced. The guy who blew the whistle to New Times on Cindy McCain's prescription drug theft surfaced this week at a Holiday Inn in the Washington, D.C. area, telling his story again.

Full story here

On Cindy's defense we can say a few things:

- There's no other way to put up with John McCain than being high.

- Developing a drug habit it's the best way to create a selfless charity.

- You know she's a true Republican because she didn't use tax-payers money!

A great woman indeed...

From Russia With Love

2008-07-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Here's to the future of Madonna's touring deal...

Not Quite Kettle-Call

2008-06-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

And here is the rest of it.

Güey Awards: Lifetime A-cheatin' Award

2008-06-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

Here are the nominees to the Award for achievement in non-acting one's age, bravely represented by the following (b)old performances:

- Harrison Ford, for not thinking he was too old to once again take on the role of Indiana Jones.

Out-of-the-ark stuff?

- Sarah Jessica Parker for not thinking she was too old to once again take on the role of Carrie Bradshaw.

Is that vintage?

- Madonna for not thinking he was too old to once again take on the role of femme-fatale in her new album and tour.

Senior-ita mas fina

Who will take home the prize? Stay tuned...

On Patrick Süskind's iPod:

2008-06-15T16:27:00.000-07:00

This song is nothing to sniff at.

ProcrasTV: And now, a word from our sponsor.

2008-05-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

Hairism: Exile On No-Mane Street?

2008-05-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

A new social phenomenon has taken over the watercooler conversations of sociologist all around the world. (Bear in mind that in the workspaces of sociologists, watercoolers are not a casual meeting point, but they're kept under glass and mantained under strict observation, given the significant social barometer they constitute.) This new phenomenon is that of hairism, which is a form of discrimination against those of individuals who enjoy less hair density (if any) than other people.

Studies have shown McDreamy's magnetic appeal drops dramatically when his hair does.

First symptom was the emergence of an organization called Brothers Against Lack-of-hairers Difamation (B.A.L.D.) This society was formed to stop negative portrayal of hair-impaired people (PC term) in the media. Shorn Blunt, the (hairless) head of this organization points out: "The mainstream media portrayal of follicularly impaired people is always negative. We saw this earlier with action film villains like Lex Luthor and Darth Vader. But now it's even worse. You watch Ironman and you can tell who the bad guys are just because they have no hair." According to Blunt: "They overlook the fact that our people has given so much to the arts and sciences, people like William Shakespeare and Mr. Clean." Recent Britney Spears' bald head episode didn't help matters.

Whether this social trend will take off will remain to be seen but, just in case, John McCain is already looking for a way to incorporate this into his political strategy, claiming "Democrats are not the only ones who can play the minority card."

Side effects: dramatic increase on the research for hair-loss prevention on animals has lead to questionable results.

For more info and moral support visit Balds R US.com

...

Madonna and Tina Turner: Dinosaurs or American Idols?

2008-05-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

From the Ticketmaster official site.

Tina Turner... Madonna... Dinosaurs!

Australians demand to have their country relocated.

2008-05-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

Australians have taken to the streets, in a massive plea to have their country change its geographical location.

For ages, Australians haven't been very happy with their situation, occupying a spot on the globe which is scientifically referred to as 'the armpit of Earth.' "It sucks not to have a neighboring country" says one unhappy citizen "You see how Venezuela and Colombia, or Iraq and Afghanistan, how much fun they have with each other, and we have been deprived of that experience." Situation only became worse recently after the Spice Girls decided to cancel their concert dates Down Under altogether,but the straw that broke the camel's back was when Madonna announced that she would also skip the country in her upcoming tour. "We're missing all these great concerts, nobody wants to play here because it's too f*cking far!" says one concerned Aussie. As to where they want to be placed, Australians will soon launch a referendum to decide on a new location. "I don't think it will be in North America because, you know, they already have Canada. But it will surely be somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere because there's something so wrong about putting up a Christmas tree in the summer. It has to come to an end." claims a person knowledgeable in the subject. Recent polls say public opinion leans toward 'a nice spot in the Mediterranean or near Africa,' with most people rooting for a spot near Gaza strip , since they've heard it seems to be quite a hot spot.

Good On Paper

2008-04-25T10:02:00.001-07:00

Here at The Güey Watcher are proud to present you with our initiative to expand our business to the publishing world. That's right, coming soon to a bookstore near you The Güey Watcher Books. Right now we're busy working on building our author roster, but I think it's safe to present you with a preliminary list of the titles we'll be happy to bring you soon enough.

- How To Kill Yourself Or Die Trying, by Owen Wilson

- The Thin Red Line (Or Flashing For Dummies), by Britney Spears

- State Of Denial, by Clay Aiken

- A Body for Life, by Mo'Nique (we went with this title since we figured A Never-ending Ass might have turned off some readers.)

- The Purpose Driven Life, by Anna Nicole Smith

Hope you enjoy our selection and if you have any suggestion as to the authors and titles you'd like to see in our list, you're more than welcome to post in the comment section below.

*

News Roundup, April 22

2008-04-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

- US families claim to be forced to pick between gas and food. Thank God there's still Taco Bell which gives you both in one.

- Sony comes up with wafer-thin TV. It's designed to make Vh1's programming look more substantial.

- Michael Bolton, Celine Dion make it to list of top ten most annoying singers. Showbiz moguls from Vegas are ready to contact the rest of winners who don't have a show deal already.

- Hillary connected to Angelina, Madonna by DNA. Sources rushed to clarify they were not talking about Bill's, but her own.

- Former Bush press secretary becomes TV pundit. People thought he was brilliant until they realized they weren't watching Stephen Colbert

Now, this would make a great T-Mobile ad.

2008-04-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

From Gizmodo

The life of 20-year-old Emine, and her 24-year-old husband Ramazan Çalçoban was pretty much the normal life of any couple in a separation process. After deciding to split up, the two kept having bitter arguments over the cellphone, sending text messages to each other until one day Ramazan wrote "you change the topic every time you run out of arguments." That day, the lack of a single dot over a letter—product of a faulty localization of the cellphone's typing system—caused a chain of events that ended in a violent blood bath (Warning: offensive language ahead.)

To find out more on the story...
The surreal mistake happened because the ex-husband's cellphone didn't have an specific character from the Turkish alphabet: the letter "ı" or closed i. While "i" is available in all phones in Turkey—where this happened—the closed i apparently doesn't exist in most of the terminals in that country.

The use of "i" resulted in an SMS with a completely twisted meaning: instead of writing the word "sıkısınca" he wrote "sikisince." Ramazan wanted to write "You change the topic every time you run out of arguments" (sounds familiar enough) but what Emine read was, "You change the topic every time they are fucking you" (sounds familiar too.)

Emine then showed the message to her father, who—enraged—called Ramazan, accusing him of treating his daughter as a prostitute. Ramazan went to the family's home to apologize and was greeted by the father, two sisters and a lot of very sharp knives.

Injured and bleeding, Ramazan found Emine and killed her with another knife. He later killed himself in jail.

Apparently it's not the first incident of this kind caused by the damned dot on top of the letter i. The local press has pointed out that the faulty localization of cellphones in Turkey is causing "serious problems" when it comes to certain "delicate words" in Turkish, and they are calling to enhance localization of technology to avoid these mistakes.

Alternatively, the press could ask for banning knives from the homes of demonstrably stupid people.

Stuck

2008-04-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

Maybe you have hear that joke about the guy that got stuck in an elevator for 41 hours... only it's not a joke. It happened to a poor fella, who was entrapped inside his office's elevator while the surveillance camera passively watched.

This video accompanies the story in the New Yorker.
...

ProcrasTV: A Minuteman Of A Different Kind

2008-04-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

It was a matter of time time before a cheaper Chinese version of this song came around.

Now, Madonna says she only has four minutes to save the world... but from what? Maybe this hilarious fan made video will give you a hint.

Juz Make Sure They Don't Find Out Mariah Has A New Album Out

2008-04-02T15:23:00.000-07:00

America’s Global Image Stops Sinking in a Poll
By MIKE NIZZA
The image of America abroad, which has been battered in recent years by an unpopular war and other policies, appears to have stopped deteriorating, judging by a worldwide survey by the BBC and GlobeScan:

While views of U.S. influence in the world are still predominantly negative, they have improved in 11 of the 23 countries the BBC polled a year ago, while worsening in just three countries.

The average percentage saying that the U.S. is having a positive influence has increased from 31 percent a year ago to 35 percent today, while the view that it is having a negative influence has declined from 52 per cent to 47 percent.

Looking just at the countries that have been polled in each of the last four years, positive views of the U.S. eroded from 2005 (38% on average), to 2006 (32%), and to 2007 (28%); recovering for the first time this year to 32 percent.

Israel, Iran and Pakistan were even more unpopular abroad than the United States, rated negatively by more than 50 percent of respondents.

Russia, which has begun an image burnishing campaign of its own, showed the greatest rebound in the poll, with 37 percent of respondents viewing the country positively, up from 29 percent a year earlier.

A total of 17,457 people were interviewed in 34 countries between October and January, the BBC said; the margin of sampling error varied from 3.4 to 4.6 percentage points, depending on the country.

Last June, the Pew Research Center’s survey of attitudes towards the United States showed a deepening of distrust in the Muslim world, a trend somewhat reflected in the BBC-GlobeScan survey released today. Negative views have grown in Egypt and Lebanon, but positive views have grown in Turkey and Indonesia; even so, the figures in those countries remain more negative than average.

Kurt Volker, a State Department official who has been nominated for NATO ambassador, told the BBC that the American gains are “a lagging indicator of what we are doing, working together with European governments and other elites.”

Steven Kull, a polling expert the University of Maryland, had a different take, saying that the upcoming presidential election may be playing a role. “Views of the U.S. are being mitigated by hope that a new administration will move away from the foreign policies that have been so unpopular in the world,” Mr. Kull said.

TO CONTINUE READING...
But that theory was doubted by Nikolas Gvosdev of The National Interest back in January, when The Christian Science Monitor covered the presidential candidates’ plans for addressing the issue. “People have bought into a narrative that all this negativity is the result of one man, or maybe two men in the White House, the president and vice president,” he said. “But to suggest that on Jan. 20, 2009, everything will change to the world’s liking doesn’t take into account how the world has changed.”

Other experts have suggested that American policies regarding the Middle East, national security and Iraq would have to drastically change before hearts and minds would follow. Otherwise, it’s “Mission: Impossible,” as one observer termed Karen Hughes’s effort to address the problem as the State Department’s chief of public diplomacy.

She stepped down in November without many concrete signs of progress, while another diplomat was left disenchanted after trying hard to reverse the trend, as a Times article on her resignation summarized:

“This is the conundrum that I faced every day,” Price Floyd, a former State Department public affairs official, wrote in an op-ed article in The Fort Worth Star-Telegram in May, after he left the department. “I tried through the traditional domestic media, and, for the first time, through the pan-Arab TV and print media — Al Jazeera, Al Arabiya, Al Hayat — to reach people in the U.S. and abroad and to convince them that we should not be judged by our actions, only by our words.”

Is a full recovery even possible? Not according to Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner of France. “It will never be as it was before,” he said in an interview with The International Herald Tribune last month. “The magic is over.”

ProcrasTV: Amy Winhouse's low blow

2008-03-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

I know our modern lifestyle calls for a smaller, more compact packaging of our favorite products... but this is too much.

Amy Winehouse catches a short buzz

Madonna Leaks! (UPDATE)

2008-03-17T00:31:00.000-07:00

For the sake of accuracy it is our duty to present you with the actual artwork to Madonna's upcoming album Hard Candy (as a follow-up to our previous report) along with the official album version of the lead single 4 Minutes and a sneak preview of her album track Miles Away as presented by (who else?) a Japanese cooking show.

UPDATE: Madonna's new album HARD CANDY has been leaked in full.

ProcrasTV: The Porn Ultimatum

2008-03-14T14:24:00.000-07:00

Forget The Bourne Ultimatum, this is the pinnacle of Matt Damon's career. In case you haven't seen this alredy, there it goes...

Even funnier is Kimmel's response. Watch for the A-list cameos.

Things That Won't Let Me Sleep At Night

2008-03-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

Issue: MICROSOFT billionaire Bill Gates has had to delete his Facebook account after being hassled by thousands of fans.

My Concern: How's a poor little computer nerd like him going to meet people now?

Issue: Spring brings new releases by pop-divas such as Madonna, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson and Kylie Minogue.

My Concern: Is this a secret plan to reactivate the economy, via gay fund reserve?

Issue: Bill O'Reilly asks: "Is waterboarding torture?"

Bush answers: "I don't want to talk about techniques. But I do assure the American people that we were within the law and we don't torture. I have said all along to the American people we won't torture. But we need to be in a position where we can interrogate these people."

My Concern: If even O'Reilly has to question the sanity of one of the Bush administration's decision... what's going to happen if indeed Americans elect "a Republican president who will keep up the fight in Iraq" as Bush told donors at the Republican Governors Association annual dinner? (which raised a record $10.6 million for GOP gubernatorial candidates.)

"And I don't want the next Republican president to be lonely," Bush said. "And that is why we got to take the House, retake the Senate, and make sure our states are governed by Republican governors."

It's 3 AM... a phone is ringing in the White House...

Madonna Leaks!

2008-03-01T11:26:00.001-08:00

It had to be the French... here's the link to a radio leak of Madonna's new single '4 Minutes' (someone took the announcer's voice off, thank them), from her upcoming album Hard Candy. I digs.

UPDATE: Madonna's latest album HARD CANDY has been leaked in full.

Image from Boy Culture.

Look The Other Way

2008-02-29T09:09:00.000-08:00

At approximately 8:15 a.m., an eighth grade 15-year-old boy, identified as Lawrence Fobes King (“Larry”) was shot in the head by another student in a computer lab classroom. King was transported to St. John's Regional Medical Center and was listed in serious condition. Examiners had declared King brain dead. King was kept on life support until February 15, 2008, so his organs could be donated. It was reported that King was shot because he was openly gay and sometimes dressed in a "feminine" manner. Prosecutors have discussed charging the shooter with premeditated murder with enhancements for the use of a firearm and commission of a hate crime.

On that regard, you better watch this:

From JustJared:

CNN host Anderson Cooper just blogged about a shooting at a junior high school computer lab in California that happened two weeks ago. Consequently, as a result of a hate crime, 15-year-old Lawrence King was shot to death.

Anderson, 40, posed the question, “When does bullying become a hate crime?” Here’s his entry:

“We are focusing on a story that hasn’t received the attention it deserves. The story is about a young man named Lawrence King. He was 15 years old. On the morning of Feb 12, a classmate of Lawrence’s allegedly walked into the computer lab in front of some two dozen other students and shot Lawrence in the head. He was declared brain dead later at the hospital. According to authorities, this was not a random killing, it was a hate crime. Lawrence had recently told people he was gay, and apparently wore clothing that was viewed as effeminate. According to many accounts he had been bullied repeatedly, and some parents have even claimed students knew of threats to Lawrence’s life. At this point it doesn’t seem clear how much school officials knew of the bullying, but a full investigation needs to be done. If this had been an African-American student bullied by a teenage skinhead would it have received more attention? Would school officials have taken it more seriously if it had been a Christian campus leader attacked by another student because of his/her religious beliefs? I don’t have the answers to those questions, but I do think they are worth asking. Bullying is a problem in schools across the country. We’ve seen this time and time again. Is enough being done to stop it?”

In response to this hate crime, both Democratic presidential candidates released statements regarding this tragic event:

Click on the following link

Said Hillary Clinton, “I was deeply saddened by the recent death of 15-year-old Lawrence King who was killed at his school in Oxnard, CA. No one should face intimidation or violence, particularly at school, because of their sexual orientation or the way they express their gender identity.We must finally enact a federal hate crimes law to ensure that gay, lesbian and transgender Americans are protected against violent, bias-motivated crimes. We must send a unified message that hate-based crime will not be tolerated.”

Barack Obama is on the same page, adding, “It was heartbreaking to learn about Lawrence King’s death, and my thoughts and prayers go out to his family. King’s senseless death is a tragic example of the corrosive effect that bigotry and fear can have in our society. It’s also an urgent reminder that we need to do more in our schools to foster tolerance and an acceptance of diversity; that we must enact a federal hate crimes law that protects all LGBT Americans; and that we must recommit ourselves to becoming active and engaged parents, citizens and neighbors, so that bias and bigotry cannot take hold in the first place. We all have a responsibility to help this nation live up to its founding promise of equality for all.”

The L.A. Times also has a write-up of last week’s memorial service for King: “At a memorial attended by more than 500 people in Port Hueneme, Lawrence “Larry” King was remembered Friday as a sensitive child who liked to draw, paint and crochet. One Christmas, he helped his mother crochet hundreds of scarves so that U.S. troops in Afghanistan wouldn’t be without a holiday gift.”

You can also visit the website that King’s family set up: RememberLarry.com.

Phat Music

2008-02-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

Mariah is now saving time by making her music video and its spoof all in one shot. So hence this quite interesting clip from her new single "Touch My Body", featuring 30Rock's resident nerd Jack Ryan. Mariah is often hailed as one of the biggest singers on Earth and when you look at her waistline is easy to see how that might be true.

Now, if you want to see one of Mariah's naughtiest photos ever, click on the link below. But I have to warn you... it ain't kosher.

Mariah's new cut... hot or cold?

Exclusiva: Ker-ching of Pop

2008-02-27T09:18:00.000-08:00

According toReuters:

"Michael Jackson's famed Neverland Valley Ranch in California will be foreclosed and sold on March 19 unless the pop star pays a balance of nearly $25 million, property records showed on Tuesday."

Surprisingly, as it happens everytime he's in financial trouble, the singer is resorting to yet another rehash of his repertoire of hits, via an album called Thriller 25. So if you didn't have the chance to buy Billie Jean in the original Thriller, or in HIStory, Blood On The Dancefloor, and Number Ones, here's your chance!

Now, ever the selfless souls, here at Güey Watcher we have come up with other entrepreneurial ventures that might be more profitable for the financially challenged chanteur.

Here's the list of products we could see Michael launching to great success:

- Jesus Juice. Instant booze! Turns wine into water in no time! This ish is biblical, man! Ideal for frat parties but, hey, be careful not to leave it around unsuspecting underage people (wink, wink.)

- Mr. Potato Head: Michael Jackson Edition. Have as much fun redoing his face as many times as you want! It's no skin off his nose! (...Or is it?)

- Inflatable Liz Taylor sidekick doll. Have endless fun trying to blow her up in full! Get all your family in on the good times! Your gay soirees have never been this classy.

- Yo-yo Baby. Extra-expandable baby leash. Dangle your favorite infant off the highest balcony. Comes with a full 'how-to' manual, so you can learn to perform tricks as 'the pyramid' and 'the human gazpacho.'

If these products don't do the trick, Michael, you can always try one of the following tactics: you can sell the Beatles' catalogue in parts, I'm sure a lot of guys would like to own that catchy 'number nine' from the White Album. Or you can charge royalties to all those comedy writers whose job you've made so much easer over the years.

Whatchu waitin' for, Jacko? Don't let the deprive you from your God-given right to be black-mailed. To paraphrase South Park: "there's no point in taking another poor black man to court."

Michael's finances take a nose dive.

Irish Luck

2008-02-21T18:33:00.000-08:00

I can't endorse this movie/soundtrack enough, that's why I found this Glen Hansard quote quite funny:

With "Once" having exceeded everyone's expectations, could another film be in the works? "John's talking about making another one at some point, called 'Twice,' " Hansard says. "Then the third one would be called 'Three Times a Lady.'"

Hansard and Irglova will be on hand at the Academy Awards ceremony to perform "Falling Slowly."

From Billboard.com

Strike Watch: Final Days

2008-02-21T08:12:00.000-08:00

From Creative Screenwriting Magazine:

WGA Strike Timeline, Part 3: The Final Days

By Peter Clines

Creative Screenwriting presents a summary of the last third of the 14-week work stoppage that all but crippled Hollywood. Included are a few incidents that weren't linked to the strike when they happened, but probably should've been.

Monday, Jan. 7-With the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers still refusing to negotiate, the WGA signs an independent deal with United Artists, to the reported displeasure of UA's parent company, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The same day, the Consumer Electronics Show kicks off in Las Vegas. Attending are digital media executives from Disney, Paramount, Fox, and Warner Bros., who take part in a panel discussing the strategies with which Hollywood studios are approaching digital media. Also attending the conference is Beth Comstock of NBC Universal, who goes on record saying her company plans to make one billion dollars in online revenue in 2008.

Jan. 8-Faced with picketing writers and a boycott from actors, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association announces that the Golden Globes ceremony has been cancelled and will be replaced with a formal news conference

Jan. 9-Citigroup and Prudential withdraw advertisements from the Golden Globes night press conference. A Wall Street Journal article discusses advertisers' worries that a similar fate awaits the Oscars.

Jan. 10-NBC is criticized on several fronts for turning the Golden Globes news conference into a thinly disguised Access Hollywood special.

Actor Tom Hanks goes on record in support of the WGA, asking the AMPTP to resume talks and "get down to honest bargaining."

Jan. 11-ABC and iTunes offer free downloads of Lost "recaps," four- and eight-minute clip shows that let viewers get caught up on the show. And while ABC cancels almost three dozen writer and director contracts under force majeure clauses, a Securities and Exchange Commission filing from Disney announces that CEO Robert Iger will receive an 11% increase in compensation (for a 2007 total of $27.7 million). Under the terms of the financial plan put forward by the WGA (and rejected by the AMPTP negotiators), Disney would only pay writers an additional $6.25 million per year.

With the AMPTP still refusing to negotiate, the WGA announces it has signed an independent deal with the Weinstein Company.

To keep reading...

Jan. 12-At a Citigroup conference, CBS chief Les Moonves says he has been trying to restart talks between the AMPTP and the WGA. He also says the strike will not have a negative effect on his network, since any loss in ratings or ad revenue will be offset by the savings of not producing original programming at this time.

Jan. 13-The Golden Globes press conference takes place. No writers or actors attend. Below-the-line crew members protest outside the event, demanding that talks resume and the strike be ended.

Tuesday, Jan. 15-More television studios invoke force majeure clauses, though none sever as many contracts as ABC did the previous week. Several directly blame the ongoing strike. Altogether, more than five dozen contracts with writers and directors are cancelled in less than a week.

At the Mac World Expo, Steve Jobs announces the new iTunes online movie rentals service, having secured deals with numerous studios, including 20th Century, Disney, Warner Bros., Paramount, Universal, and Sony. The service will allow customers to download or stream movies directly to their iPhones, iPods, or the upgraded Apple TV.

Jan. 16-Warner Bros. places its big-budget film Justice League on "indefinite hold," citing an inability to do further work on the script or get certain tax breaks for filming in Australia.

Jan. 17-After six days of official negotiations, the Directors Guild of America announces a tentative deal with the AMPTP. The WGA assures its members that the negotiating committee, WGAW Board of Directors, and the WGAE Council will examine and evaluate the deal in the hopes that it will serve as a foundation for their own deal when and if the studios agree to resume talks.

Interpret LLC, a media consulting firm, announces the results of a national survey showing that 94% of Americans are aware of the WGA strike, 27% are watching less television because of it, and only 7% support the studios.

Jan. 18-Singer-actress Beyonce Knowles announces she will cross WGA picket lines to perform at the Grammy Awards if the show is not granted a waiver. In contrast, several other singer-actors, including Jon Bon Jovi and Justin Timberlake, say they would not attend the event if it is picketed.

Monday, Jan. 21-The WGA informs strike captains that informal talks will resume this week after a series of phone calls with Peter Chernin, president of News Corp, who helped broker the DGA deal.

Jan. 22-The WGA releases a point-by-point analysis of the DGA deal, which exceeds the AMPTP's offer to the WGA by $9 million over three years. The deal still falls well below the terms sought by the WGA.

Fox and the CW announce they are abandoning plans for several television pilots, while Jeff Zucker announces plans to cancel the majority of proposed pilots for NBC Universal. Zucker cites the writers strike, as well as the economic climate.

Jan. 23-The WGA begins informal talks with the studios. At this point, AMPTP negotiator Nick Counter, long judged by the Guild as one of the major impediments in the meetings, has been effectively marginalized by Peter Chernin and Robert Iger. Both sides agree to a media blackout as negotiations continue.

Jan. 24-With official negotiations still not underway, the WGA announces independent deals with both Marvel Studios and Lionsgate. Lionsgate is the first distributor to sign an interim agreement with the Guild. At this point, 10 companies have signed such deals.

Jan. 25-The WGA announces an independent deal with RKO Productions.

Monday, Jan.28-A Unity Day rally held at Fox studios is attended by over 1,000 members of the WGA, SAG, and Teamsters.

The WGA grants a waiver to the Grammy Awards, allowing writers to work on the show.

Jan. 29-SAG leaders send an email to members cautioning them that the DGA deal with the AMPTP may not be the "solution" many news sources are referring to it as. The DGA responds almost immediately, accusing SAG of interfering with the WGA's current talks with the studio moguls.

Jan. 30-In a show of good faith toward the resumed talks, the WGA cancels a Wall Street event that had been intended to showcase for investors the Guild's analysis of the strike's financial impact (specifically on the CBS network), in hopes research analysts would lower investment ratings for network stock.

Jan. 31-The WGA announces independent deals with Overture Films, Intermedia Film, and The Film Department. United Artists, taking advantage of its interim contract with the WGA, signs Oscar-winning writer-director Paul Haggis (Crash) to produce two films a year.

ABC begins airing the new season of Lost. The first episode is available for viewing on the network's website the same night.

Feb. 1-WGA members present Bandaid, a musical benefit for the Industry Support Fund, created by guild members to help non-writers financially affected by the strike.

Feb. 3-The WGA announces independent deals with a number of New York-based indie film studios, including GreeneStreet Films, Killer Films, Open City Films, and This is that.

Monday, Feb. 4-The WGA negotiating committee announces to members that progress has been made, but several key points still need to be addressed in the ongoing negotiations. Meetings are set for the upcoming weekend to discuss the state of the talks with the membership.

Feb. 5-The WGA announces that a deal has been brokered with the AMPTP. The proposed contract will be presented to the membership and discussed at the weekend meetings. The negotiating committee will take no further action without feedback from the writers.

Jon Stewart steps down as Master of Ceremonies for a February 7 event to honor Viacom chief executive Sumner Redstone. Stewart gives no reason for the sudden change of heart. Bloomberg reports that Disney first-quarter profits beat estimates, with cable revenues increasing by 13% and sales rising 9.1%.

Feb. 6-Vanity Fair magazine announces it will cancel its annual post-Oscar party as a show of solidarity with writers. Editor Graydon Carter says, "Whether the strike is over or not, there are a lot of bruised feelings. I don't think it's appropriate for a big magazine from the East to come in and pretend nothing happened."

United Artists, taking advantage of its interim contract with the WGA, signs a first-look deal with screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects).

Feb. 7-The WGA holds a mass picket at Disney studios. On CNBC's Fast Money, former Disney CEO and failed internet entrepreneur Michael Eisner voices his opinion that the strike is over.

Feb. 8-The New York Times publishes an article by Michael Cieply explaining many of the behind-the-scenes negotiations that supposedly took place to speed along the WGA talks. Mentioned prominently is United Hollywood founder Laeta Kalogridis. Kalogridas refuses Cieply's request for an interview, denies her importance, and later cites many of the inaccuracies in Cieply's article.

Feb. 9-With a possible end in sight, WGA members meet on both coasts to discuss the deal currently on the table. Several pros and cons are brought up, chief among them the 17-day "promotional" window for studios to stream material online without paying writers. Overall, both meetings go positively, and the consensus is that the deal is worth taking. A 48-hour vote is announced to decide if the strike will be lifted.

Feb. 12-By an overwhelming 92.5%, the Writers Guild East and West members vote to end the strike. President Patric Verrone announces the end of the 100-day labor action and declares it a success.

While the gains and losses of the strike are still being debated, it's hard to argue with the impact it had on the Hollywood landscape. The WGA labor action provided crucial leverage for the DGA and SAG negotiations, forced studios to reconsider business practices that had been accepted for decades, and proved that writers still have a surprising degree of power in the industry-enough to bring it to a virtual standstill. We can only hope these lessons will be brought to bear three years from now, when the next contract is negotiated.

Pop History Repeating

2008-02-18T23:06:00.000-08:00

How is it possible that in this day and age Paula can once again out-Janet Janet?

Election Day Lexicon

2008-02-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

From Daily Candy:

It’s Elected! Boogie-Woogie-Oogie
Election Day Lexicon

Faster than a speeding ballot. Sweeping primaries in a single bound. Look up in the sky: It’s a gimmick; it’s a cliffhanger; it’s punditocracy.

20/20 vision
n. the media’s tendency to blow small issues totally out of proportion for the sake of news show fodder.

between Barack and a hard place
n. the sphere in which undecided democrats linger to contemplate the electability of candidates.

I heart Huckabee
n. a bad movie and campaign.

it takes a village idiot
phr. a Washington proverb.

meet Romneys
n. The persistent desire to poke Mitt’s handsome sons on Facebook.

mock the vote
n. when people too embarrassed to admit they’re clueless about the voting process make awkward jokes to remain elusive.

over the Hillary
n. undecided voter syndrome wherein the desire to see a woman in the White House is overrun by one’s dislike for Hillary.

pundIt girl
n. the token female analyst who sits at the table with Wolf Blitzer and co.

scamdidate
n. an unviable aspirant who just confuses the public (see: Ron Paul).

super delegetsome
n. when powerful insiders use their influence to score dates with campaign managers and candidates’ daughters.

Disclaimer: I like Hillary and the Huckabees movie. I'm just reposting what they wrote 'cause I found it funny. Don't shoot this (anti-Microsoft) messenger.

Weekly News Roundup (Feb. 10-Feb 16)

2008-02-17T23:20:00.000-08:00

- Paris Hilton in trouble due to pets' sex behavior. Hey, tinkerbell see, tinkerbell do.

- Polaroid cancels production of instant film. A chapter in the book of amateur porn is sadly closed.

- Amy Winehouse to give Grammy to her imprisoned husband. He politely turned it down, arguing he didn't need any more incentives for cell mates to find him attractive.

- Sex offender wins $10 milion lottery. He will now be referred to as 'a gentleman of eccentric sexual habits.'

- Authorities evacuate L.A. airport terminal due to suspicious comment from passenger. The suspect caused havoc after innocently remarking 'I have a wide stance' inside the airport's restroom.

ProcrasTV: Leccion De Español

2008-02-17T13:54:00.001-08:00

...very funny.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T12:20:00.000-08:00

I like the Mexican version of this day better. It's simply the day of Love and Friendship, so it doesn't make you feel bad about not having a date. There, I said it.

Apocalypse Now: The First Seal

2008-02-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

From The Times Online, re: Madonna's directorial debut 'Filth And Wisdom':

...despite its many shortcomings and an ending so mushy and neat it would embarrass Richard Curtis, Madonna has done herself proud. Her film has an artistic ambition that has simply bypassed her husband, the film director Guy Ritchie. She captures that wonderfully accidental nature of luck when people’s lives intersect for a whole swathe of unlikely but cherishable reasons. Altmanesque would be stretching the compliment too far, but "Filth and Wisdom" shows Madonna has real potential as a film director.

Hell freezes over.

A clip from Filth And Wisdom:

Zappy Endings

2008-02-11T19:10:00.000-08:00

Although it seems that the writers' strike might be over soon, it might take a while for your favorite shows to pick up where they left. It might be weeks before we see new episodes. In the meantime, please enjoy this funny feature from NY magazine, where writers from hit shows take on other network series with their own spin. Writers from The Simpsons take on The Office and so on. My favorite one has to be the one where the writers from The Daily Show take on every other primetime show.

CUT TO: THE END....?

2008-02-10T21:50:00.001-08:00

From The Chicago Tribune:

The WGA strike: It's nearly over, writers should pick up pencils by Wednesday

Deadline Hollywood Daily oracle Nikki Finke says the strike is essentially "over." She reports that at the Saturday WGA meeting in Los Angeles, the guild membership appeared to OK the deal that the leadership negotiated in the last few weeks. A vote is still to come, but the membership looks inclined to approve the deal. Writer Ken Levine called it "at least a start and livable" and influential screenwriter/blogger John August said he'd be voting yes (links to both pieces are below). Writers should be back at their desks by Wednesday, according to Finke. (And if you want to know whether your favorite show will return this season, check out this list.)

A roundup of strike updates from the usual suspects (and I'll keep updating this as I see additional posts):

Mark Evanier, whose News From Me blog has been an invaluable source of perspective during the strike: "A feeling of victory seemed to be the prevailing mood [at the Saturday WGA membership meeting in L.A.] ...You want to know why there was a writers strike? Because they didn't offer us in November the contract that they offered us [on Saturday]. And they could have. It's not that fabulous an offer. It won't hurt the profits at Disney, Paramount, Sony, et al, one bit. What it does mean is that the writers who don't make the megabucks (and that's the vast majority of the WGA) have a better shot at making a basic living. That's all this has ever been about."

The L.A. Times story on the strike's home stretch: "'The reason for this strike was to make sure we had coverage of the Internet, that it didn't become a guild-free zone, and I think we accomplished that,' said Warren Leight, executive producer of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent.'"

Variety's story delves the deal and into the contentious "17-day window," during which networks can stream shows without paying writers. Some writers were hoping for a shorter "free" window, but that didn't come to pass. (Variety's strike coverage is here.)

For the rest of the text...

Entertainment lawyer Jonathan Handel has a lengthy analysis of the deal points. His conclusion: "This deal is an enormous improvement over studio rollbacks of three months ago, and is also an incremental improvement over the DGA deal."
There are more updates and opinions at United Hollywood, including an account of the meeting in LA: "Overall, the atmosphere was very upbeat, more so than many had anticipated. At times it felt like a victory rally. In fact, as of 10:30pm, there was only one openly hostile question during the Q&A session. It focused on the 17-day window for ad-supported streaming. Interestingly, the man who posed the question (pointedly saying, "You guys blinked.") drew some applause at first, but then elicited groans as his anger rose and he refused to relinquish the microphone."

The deal looks OK to "Battlestar Galactica" writer Jane Espenson, who looks forward to picking up her pencil later this week.
Mark Verheiden, another "Battlestar Galactica" writer, said this on his blog: "Either way, tonight's L.A. membership meeting was not the rancorous session some anticipated, but instead the negotiating committee received a standing ovation, the first of several during the evening."

Writer/director Ken Levine's take on the deal: "The main points of the deal are that it gives writers jurisdiction over new media and a share of distributor’s gross, which is hugely significant since any other formula is just monkey points. By establishing precedents the guild believes it is now in position to share the revenue from emerging marketplaces such as the internet. The deal is hardly perfect. There are a number of holes (which the committee candidly acknowledged) but considering we were negotiating against mega conglomerates who would just as soon break the union, this deal is at least a start and livable."
Screenwriter John August wrote that he's voting yes on the deal. "And I suspect it’s a yes for most writers. Some would shout yes emphatically, with a victory dance around a giant picket bonfire. Others would mutter yes with a forlorn shrug of their shoulders, deeply dissatisfied yet not able to rationalize a no vote. I’m somewhere in-between. I don’t think it’s great — hell, it’s not even 'good' — but it’s honestly better than I thought we’d get."

Finally, the WGA Awards were given out over the weekend. On the TV side, "Mad Men," "The Wire," "The Sopranos," "30 Rock," "The Office" and "The Colbert Report" all won awards. The WGA press release on the awards follows.

Weekly News Roundup (Feb. 3-Feb 9)

2008-02-08T17:25:00.003-08:00

- Young@Heart, new documentary about senior citizens rocking the stage, opens nationwide. Martin Scorsese's upcoming Rolling Stones tour documentary no longer seems fresh.

- Woman in small Mexican town murders daughters to keep them from losing their virginity. Trust me, when you in a small Mexican town, being on a sexual roll is not as much of a threat as it seems to be.

- Overhyped, overpaid Tom Brady Miserably Fails To Meet Fans' Expectations. And that's as close to an American David Beckham as we'll ever get.

- U.S. government acknowledges use of waterboarding. Justify their actions by claiming no other interrogation tactic has proven to be so successful when trying to get useful information out of perfectly innocent people.

- Nebraska Supreme Court outlaws use of the electric chair, labels it 'cruel and unusual punishment.' 'Cause we all know anything beyond waterboarding is distasteful.

Non-sloppy seconds.

2008-02-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

What kind of ass-backwards world we live in where Madonna's new -possibly homophobic- song 4 Minutes To Save The World hasn't been fully leaked yet, but a HQ snippet of the first official mix already has?

Madonna and child. (Yes, I know it's been done to death but I couldn't come up with anything better at this hour)

Weekly News Roundup (Jan 28-Feb 3)

2008-02-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

50Cent Boots Paris Hilton From Stage. Heaven forbid Fiddy tolerates some slutty-looking lady bringing down the quality of his act.

Cops Boot 50 Cent From Mall. Oh, yeah. That's what happens when you walk into a temple after dissing their highest prophet.

Hillary and Obama fight over Edwards' followers. That would make them the three most sough-after voters in the country.

Madonna to premier directorial debut. If Ben Affleck is any indication, some acting is best done quiet and behind the camera.

Rudy withdraws from Tuesday's primary. I guess he figured out the whole "Obama won't protect you from Cloverfield" angle wouldn't fly.

Mouth Wide Shut: Worst Movie Dialogue Ever

2008-01-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

Entertainment Weekly has a new feature on the Worst Movie Dialogue Ever. IMO I think they skipped a very few good candidates. Here's my list of snubs in that category:

"It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble."
-Ricki (Jennifer Lopez) as she tries to seduce Larry (Ben Affleck) in Gigli.

"We ask ourselves, is she black? Is she white? We don't care. She's exotic. I want to see more of her breasts."
-A video director as he works the set for Billie's (Mariah Carey) video in Glitter.

"The glitter must not overpower the artist!" See movie above.

"Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty... For tonight, we dine in hell!"
-King Leonidas' motivational/nutrition-conscious speech in (Gerard Butler) in 300.

Dr. Sarah Taylor (Rebecca De Mornay): Mr. Ramirez, my mother taught me never to talk to strangers.
Tony Ramirez (Antonio Banderas): If you never talk to strangers, you'll never meet anyone new.
From Never Talk To Strangers.

"The Buddhist have a saying, 'If you meet your master on the road, kill him.' "
-Zen-like serial killer in the aforementioned movie.

"I am Ripper... Tearer... Slasher... I am the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power! I AM BEOWULF!"
-Frustrated Spartan Beowulf (Ray Winston) in Beowulf.

"Yes, I'd love to do this movie"
-Words spoken off-camera by Rob Scnheider before any of his movies.

What do you think, Güey Watchers? Do you have any additions you'd like to make to this list in the comments section? I know you do...

Weekly News Roundup (Jan 20-27)

2008-01-27T20:52:00.001-08:00

- Study finds false statements led to Iraq war. C'mon, we all know it was all Jon Stewart's ploy to ensure a presidential term's worth of material.

- Bin Laden's son out to bring peace, wants to meet with President Bush. Request to skip metal detector raises suspicion.

- $20 dollar bill found next to Heath's Ledger's body. This is New York. Whatever you do, don't leave without tipping.

- Lenny Kraviz says he's been celibate for the last three years. Seriously, what does dating Nicole Kidman do to people?

- 'Cloverfield' making moviegoers feel sick. People had to watch it twice to make sure Mariah Carey's not in it.

No, Güey!

2008-01-24T11:07:00.000-08:00

A little 'eye candy' for our bilingual readers.

From here.

Rat said what?

2008-01-23T23:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks for Bob Andelman (a.k.a. Mr. Media) for pointing me in the direction of his very interesting interview with Güey Watcher's unofficial illustrator Stephan Pastis. Here's a bit I found interesting.

ANDELMAN: Stephan, Messieur LaChase in the chat room has a question that kind of fits with what you were just saying. Have you ever had to substitute a strip because of a taste issue or a news event?

PASTIS: It’s happened a lot of times. One time early on Rat ran for Senate or something against a guy who had died. And right in the middle of that storyline, a Senator from, I think, Minnesota died in a plane crash.

ANDELMAN: I think you’re right.

PASTIS: I can’t remember his name right now, and I think his name stayed on the ballot. And so, boy, that had to be pulled at the last minute because readers don’t understand that these are submitted weeks in advance. So that can create a bad situation. So, yeah, those were pulled. There was one where Pig was playing in the dryer once spinning around, and that week, I think some kids had been killed or shoved in a dryer or something like that, and so that was pulled for half the country. Yeah, that does happen. One really, really unfortunate one that, boy, had the timing been a little different would have just been horrible was I had a strip where the Crocs were rooting for the death of “The Crocodile Hunter,” Steve Irwin, cause his voice drove them crazy, and then three months later he was killed. Man, if that had run that week, I think that would’ve been the end of me.

ANDELMAN: Oh my goodness.

PASTIS: Yeah, it happens quite a lot.

Click here for the rest of the interview.

Pastis' Family Circle

New York Post Mortem

2008-01-23T08:44:00.003-08:00

The jury's still out on what caused Heath Ledger's death. However, I found this very interesting note on how Ambien, Ledger's sleeping pill of choice, has caused a lot of controversy in his native Australia. On the side effects brought on by this pill, the newspaper says:

Some 500 people described odd behaviours from walking, crashing cars, having sex and falling from balconies after popping a pill.

One patient gained 23 kilograms over seven months after unknowingly eating from the refrigerator while asleep. Another patient woke up with a paintbrush in her hand after painting the front door.

This seems to be a pretty popular drug in the US, but no one seems to be making a fuss about its side effects. Could it be a greater PR muscle form the drug companies, or are these side effects just particular to Australians?

Ennis Has Left The Building.

2008-01-22T16:06:00.000-08:00

Among the sad turnmoil surrounding Heath Ledger's demise, one thing calls my attention: this oh-so-New-Yorkish bit from the NYT:

The building at 421 Broome Street was sold for $4.8 million in 1999 by Ho Hwa Properties Inc. to Red Tulip, L.L.C. Calls to a phone number listed for Junia Hissa Neiva, a Brazilian painter who is listed as an owner of Red Tulip and of the building, went to an answering machine that was full and could not accept new messages.

It's as if Manhattanites had only waited the minimum necessary to start with real estate quandaries: "Yes, he's dead but, how much was his lease?," "Poor kid... so.. er... when's the open house?"

I mean, is it relevant to young thesp's death if the apartment was owned by Mary-Kate Olsen or not?

Ah, NY's obsession with realty. We wish we knew how to quit it.

Red pill, blue pill?

...

Complete List Of Academy Award Nominations

2008-01-22T10:27:00.000-08:00

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR

"Atonement" (Focus Features) A Working Title Production: Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers

"Juno" (Fox Searchlight) A Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production: Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers

"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) A Clayton Productions, LLC Production: Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production: Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers

"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) A JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production: JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers

*GUEYWATCHER BONUS NOMINEE* "Once" (Bórd Scannán na hÉireann, Radio Telefís Éireann (RTE) (in association with) Samson Films, Summit Entertainment)

ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Julian Schnabel *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Jason Reitman

"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Tony Gilroy

"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Paul Thomas Anderson

*GUEYWATCHER BONUS NOMINEE* "Once" James Carney

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

George Clooney in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)

Tommy Lee Jones in "In the Valley of Elah" (Warner Independent)

Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises" (Focus Features)

*GUEYWATCHER BONUS NOMINEE* Mathieu Amalric in "The Diving Bell and The Butterfly"

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Casey Affleck in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (Warner Bros.)

Javier Bardem in "No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Charlie Wilson's War" (Universal)

Hal Holbrook in "Into the Wild" (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment)

Tom Wilkinson in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" (Universal)

Julie Christie in "Away from Her" (Lionsgate)

Marion Cotillard in "La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse) *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

Laura Linney in "The Savages" (Fox Searchlight)

Ellen Page in "Juno" (Fox Searchlight)

*GUEYWATCHER BONUS NOMINEE*Amy Adams in "Enchanted" (Disney)

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Cate Blanchett in "I'm Not There" (The Weinstein Company)

Ruby Dee in "American Gangster" (Universal)

Saoirse Ronan in "Atonement" (Focus Features)

Amy Ryan in "Gone Baby Gone" (Miramax) *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

"Atonement" (Focus Features), Screenplay by Christopher Hampton

"Away from Her" (Lionsgate), Written by Sarah Polley

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Screenplay by Ronald Harwood *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Diablo Cody

"Lars and the Real Girl" (MGM), Written by Nancy Oliver

"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Written by Tony Gilroy *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Brad Bird; Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird

"The Savages" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Tamara Jenkins

*GUEYWATCHER BONUS NOMINEE* "The Orphanage" Written by Sergio G. Sánchez

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM OF THE YEAR

"Persepolis" (Sony Pictures Classics): Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud

"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Brad Bird *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"Surf's Up" (Sony Pictures Releasing): Ash Brannon and Chris Buck

ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION

"American Gangster" (Universal): Art Direction: Arthur Max; Set Decoration: Beth A. Rubino

"Atonement" (Focus Features): Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer

"The Golden Compass" (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners): Art Direction: Dennis Gassner; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock

"Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount): Art Direction: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Art Direction: Jack Fisk; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson

ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY

"The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (Warner Bros.): Roger Deakins

"Atonement" (Focus Features): Seamus McGarvey

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn): Janusz Kaminski *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Roger Deakins

"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Robert Elswit

*GUEYWATCHER BONUS NOMINEE* "The Orphanage" Óscar Faura

ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN

"Across the Universe" (Sony Pictures Releasing) Albert Wolsky

"Atonement" (Focus Features) Jacqueline Durran

"Elizabeth: The Golden Age" (Universal) Alexandra Byrne

"La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse) Marit Allen

"Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Colleen Atwood *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

"No End in Sight" (Magnolia Pictures) A Representational Pictures Production: Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs

"Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience" (The Documentary Group) A Documentary Group Production: Richard E. Robbins

"Sicko" (Lionsgate and The Weinstein Company) A Dog Eat Dog Films Production: Michael Moore and Meghan O'Hara *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"Taxi to the Dark Side" (THINKFilm) An X-Ray Production: Alex Gibney and Eva Orner

"War/Dance" (THINKFilm) A Shine Global and Fine Films Production: Andrea Nix Fine and Sean Fine

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT

"Freeheld" A Lieutenant Films Production: Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth

"La Corona (The Crown)" A Runaway Films and Vega Films Production: Amanda Micheli and Isabel Vega

"Salim Baba" A Ropa Vieja Films and Paradox Smoke Production: Tim Sternberg and Francisco Bello

"Sari's Mother" (Cinema Guild) A Daylight Factory Production: James Longley

ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING

"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Universal): Christopher Rouse *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn): Juliette Welfling

"Into the Wild" (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment): Jay Cassidy

"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Roderick Jaynes

"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Dylan Tichenor

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM OF THE YEAR

"Beaufort" Israel

"The Counterfeiters" Austria

"Katyn" Poland

"Mongol" Kazakhstan

"12" Russia

*GUEYWATCHER BONUS NOMINEE* "The Orphanage" Spain

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP

"La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse) Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald

"Norbit" (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount): Rick Baker and Kazuhiro Tsuji

"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" (Walt Disney): Ve Neill and Martin Samuel

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SCORE)

"Atonement" (Focus Features) Dario Marianelli

"The Kite Runner" (DreamWorks, Sidney Kimmel Entertainment and Participant Productions, Distributed by Paramount Classics): Alberto Iglesias

"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) James Newton Howard

"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney) Michael Giacchino

"3:10 to Yuma" (Lionsgate) Marco Beltrami

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SONG)

"Falling Slowly" from "Once" (Fox Searchlight) Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and: Marketa Irglova *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"Happy Working Song" from "Enchanted" (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz

"Raise It Up" from "August Rush" (Warner Bros.): Nominees to be determined

"So Close" from "Enchanted" (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz

"That's How You Know" from "Enchanted" (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM

"I Met the Walrus" A Kids & Explosions Production: Josh Raskin

"Madame Tutli-Putli" (National Film Board of Canada) A National Film Board of Canada Production Chris Lavis and Maciek Szczerbowski

"Même Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)" (Premium Films) A BUF Compagnie Production Samuel Tourneux and Simon Vanesse

"My Love (Moya Lyubov)" (Channel One Russia) A Dago-Film Studio, Channel One Russia and Dentsu Tec Production Alexander Petrov

"Peter & the Wolf" (BreakThru Films) A BreakThru Films/Se-ma-for Studios Production Suzie Templeton and Hugh Welchman

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM

"At Night" A Zentropa Entertainments 10 Production: Christian E. Christiansen and Louise Vesth

"Il Supplente (The Substitute)" (Sky Cinema Italia) A Frame by Frame Italia Production: Andrea Jublin

"Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)" (Premium Films) A Karé Production: Philippe Pollet-Villard

"Tanghi Argentini" (Premium Films) An Another Dimension of an Idea Production: Guido Thys and Anja Daelemans

"The Tonto Woman" A Knucklehead, Little Mo and Rose Hackney Barber Production: Daniel Barber and Matthew Brown

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING

"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Universal): Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg

"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Skip Lievsay *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Randy Thom and Michael Silvers

"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Matthew Wood

"Transformers" (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Ethan Van der Ryn and Mike Hopkins

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING

"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Universal) Scott Millan, David Parker and Kirk Francis

"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter Kurland *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Randy Thom, Michael Semanick and Doc Kane

"3:10 to Yuma" (Lionsgate): Paul Massey, David Giammarco and Jim Stuebe

"Transformers" (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Kevin O'Connell, Greg P. Russell and Peter J. Devlin

ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS

"The Golden Compass" (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners): Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood

"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" (Walt Disney): John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson and John Frazier

"Transformers" (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl and John Frazier *GUEYWATCHER PICK*

"This plane will indeed hit the White House."

2008-01-17T11:16:00.000-08:00

Hill is out to prove that she can make things take off without a cock pit.

" Oh stewardess! I speak jive."

(*) The caption is a quote from the 1980 film Airplane! Any similarities to the current political landscape are unintentional and pure coincidence.

Take me to your leader.

2008-01-15T20:39:00.000-08:00

This clip might not be suitable for Xenu-phobics. When I saw it thought the sloppy editing and the bizarro Mission Impossible riff were such cheap shots to make him seem like he was babbling, but then I realized this video was edited by Scientologists themselves! So without more fanfare, the Tom Cruise indoctrination video the Scientologists don't want you to see.

Enjoy!

Weekly News Roundup (Jan 6- Jan. 13)

2008-01-14T00:23:00.001-08:00

- Al-Qaida uses women as suicide attackers. Osama reportedly happy to mock "them poor Americans with their woman President candidate, thinking they're at the forefront of gender equality. Haha."

- Twins who were separated at birth got married, had marriage anulled. It's a shame the rules of the world had to come and dissolve this beautiful, moving tale of unadulterated narcissism.

- Clooney and Spielberg to step in and attempt to re-ignite WGA strike talks. Clooney will walk in with a conveniently disheveled tuxedo and talk them into a sequel to The Good German. It can't go wrong.

- Britney Spears steps out in wedding dress. She's trying to cut corners in her usually sluggish path to the altar.

- Hundreds travel pantless for annual No Pants Subway Ride. So now you know what it means when the PA says to watch out for a 'suspicious package'.

Strap hangin'

...

For Your Consideration

2008-01-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

If you're a member of the Academy, don't forget this little flick that did so much for the movie musical this year. I don't want to put it in my Mausoleum of the Snubbed along with Tristram Shandy and Duck Season

Strike One

2008-01-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Creative Screenwriting Magazine:

Two Months In: The Past 30 Days in Review

By Peter Clines

Submitted for your approval is the ongoing list of major events from the picket lines and the negotiating rooms. As before, there's also a few announcements and incidents that weren't linked to the strike when they happened, but probably should've been.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007-The Sundance Film Festival announces the 83 short films that have been selected to air both at the festival itself and also as video downloads through iTunes. Sundance's online producer, Joe Beyer, notes that all filmmakers will be paid for such downloads, and that some of last year's contributors have made "tens of thousands of dollars."

Dec. 6-The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers announces it has hired political spin doctors Mark Fabiani and Chris Lehane to handle publicity during the strike. Fabiani and Lehane, who worked for President Clinton and Vice President Gore, among others, are known by the nickname "Masters of Disaster," a nod to their aggressive attacks on opponents.

Dec. 7-Strike talks break down again. The AMPTP refuses to alter their previous proposal and also issues a list of demands, insisting there will be no negotiations unless the Writers Guild of America takes a number of proposals off the table. Guild negotiators reject this ultimatum and begin to prepare yet another counter-offer. When Nick Counter is told their demands will not be met, the producers again walk away from negotiations. Within minutes, the AMPTP issues a press release saying the WGA has derailed negotiations with its "unreasonable demands."

Also on this day, more than 400 fans of the Joss Whedon series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly rally at the 20th Century Fox lot with Whedon and regular writers Marti Noxon, David Fury, and Tim Minear, among several others. Also present are many of Whedon's regular cast members, including Eliza Dushku, Nicholas Brendan, and Nathan Fillion.

Dec. 8-In the online virtual reality game Second Life, the NBC "island" is picketed for over an hour by a collection of avatars wielding red-and-black WGA strike signs.

Dec. 9-Approximately 500 "below-the-line" crew people, mostly International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees members, hold a rally urging the AMPTP and WGA to keep negotiating. Many of the marchers interviewed blame the writers for striking rather than the producers for leaving the negotiating table. This march receives far more network media coverage than either of the WGA rallies, which had 10 times the attendance.

Monday, Dec. 10-The AMPTP posts a rolling monetary counter on their website to show how much writers have lost in combined salaries since the strike began, attempting to prove the strike is financially unsound. When it is posted, the counter already reads over $100 million.

Also on this day, reports reveal that NBC has been reimbursing advertisers because of the extreme slump in ratings, returning as much as $500,000 per client. One media buyer is quoted as saying "They got greedy, and now they are paying the price."

Dec. 11-The first boxes of pencils are delivered as part of the "Pencils2Media Moguls" project. Two laundry carts containing more than 150,000 pencils are delivered to NBC by Ron Moore, Joss Whedon, and other writers (and refused at the gate). The WGA then offers to donate all the pencils to children's charities.

Also on this day, DailyKos.com reports that the Fabiani & Lehane publicity firm has been fired by a number of union clients, including a group representing the Teamsters.

Dec. 12-Nominations are announced for the WGA Awards. Leading the pack are Dexter, Friday Night Lights, Lost, The Simpsons, Pushing Daisies, The Office, and 30 Rock, all of which have shut down due to the writer's strike.

Also on this day, the details of CBS Inc. chief executive Les Moonves' new contract become public. The CEO will receive a $3.5 million annual salary, a $10.5 million "target bonus," an annual grant of free shares worth up to $7.6 million, and an option covering 5 million shares that could be worth as much as another $57 million annually. Under the terms of the financial plan put forward by the WGA (and rejected by the AMPTP negotiators), CBS Inc. would only pay writers an additional $4.7 million per year.

Dec. 13-The WGA files a complaint with the National Labor Relations Board, claiming the AMPTP is breaking federal law by issuing ultimatums and breaking off negotiations when the demands are not met.

Also on this day, Paramount Pictures, in partnership with MTV, announces it will release Jackass 2.5 not in theatres, but as a broadband internet release. Thomas Lesinski, the president of Paramount Pictures Digital Entertainment, explains in the press release that the movie will make money from online embedded ads, video downloads, and DVD sales.

Dec. 14-Despite the wishes of showrunner (and WGA negotiator) Carlton Cuse, ABC announces it will begin to air new episodes of Lost in January. Cuse had voiced hopes the network would wait and not air an incomplete season. Lost is one of only two non-reality shows being added to ABC's spring schedule, the other being Cashmere Mafia.

Also on this day, the Write Aid Concert is held to raise funds for health and financial services to all entertainment industry professionals affected by the strike. Headliners include Eddie Izzard, Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman, and the band Tenacious D (featuring Jack Black and Kyle Gass).

Dec. 16-Screen Actors Guild President Alan Rosenberg releases a solidarity letter, once again pledging the actors' support of the WGA strike and the writers.

Monday Dec. 17-Tired of stonewalling from the AMPTP's negotiators, the WGA announces it will gladly broker deals independently with studios. The guild also rejects a waiver request from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for its NBC broadcast of the Golden Globes awards show, explaining that a televised event only serves as advertising and ad revenue for studio products.

Also on this day, NBC announces that both Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien will begin airing new shows starting January 2.

Dec. 18-ABC announces that Jimmy Kimmel with return to the air on January 2.

Dec. 19-A USA Today/Gallup poll shows that 60 percent of Americans support the writers. Over a third of those polled say they are watching less television because of the strike.

Dec. 20-The Los Angeles City Council holds a meeting to assess the financial damage the strike is having on the film industry and the L.A. economy as a whole. Several hundred members of the WGA show up to listen and speak before the committee. The AMPTP is invited, but does not attend the meeting. The Motion Picture Association of America enters a statement into the meeting records on the producers' behalf, but also does not attend.

Dec. 21-The WGA announces it has entered negotiations with World Wide Pants, David Letterman's production company, for an independent contract.

Dec. 22-Amazon.com sends out a general email blast reminding customers that Amazon Unbox (a digital download service for movies) can be delivered instantly and makes a great last-minute holiday gift.

Dec. 26-Apple announces a deal with 20th Century Fox to rent online movies via timed-expiration digital downloads to view on PCs or video iPods.

Dec. 27-The American Film Institute names its "2007 Moments of Significance." The number one item on the list is the WGA strike. The next is the release of the iPhone, which allows people to download or stream movies and television shows.

Dec. 28-The AMPTP announces on its website that its financial counter has passed the critical mark, and that writers have now lost more money than they were asking for in negotiations. The producers' organization also adds a second counter showing what the strike is theoretically costing below-the-line IATSE crew members. How this second number is reached is only vaguely clarified.

Also on this day, the WGA announces an agreement with World Wide Pants. The production company agrees to the full deal proposed by the guild and rejected by the AMPTP negotiators.

Monday, Dec. 31-NBC insists it will still air the Golden Globes, despite the threat of WGA pickets and a possible boycott by actors who support the strike

January 1, 2008-Battlestar Galactica fans pay for a series of skywriting messages over the Rose Bowl parade. Five planes draw out four different pro-WGA messages in the air while teams in the crowd hand out flyers.

Jan. 2-Universal Pictures announces that 2007 was the most profitable year in the studio's century-long history, grossing $2.7 billion in U.S. home video sales alone. Worldwide theatrical releases total over $2.1 billion. Under the terms of the financial plan put forward by the WGA (and rejected by the AMPTP negotiators), Universal would only pay writers an additional $7.4 million per year.

Also on this day, the majority of the late night talk show hosts return, Letterman and Craig Ferguson being the only ones with a WGA contract. Letterman and O'Brien both sport beards, having refused to shave until the strike ends. Leno does a short monologue, a Q&A with his audience, and his featured guest is presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, who claims to be a union supporter. Letterman returns amidst showgirls sporting picket signs and has his top 10 list of "writer's demands" delivered by striking writers. O'Brien finds a number of ways to eat up time on the air without actually doing anything, most notably attempting to beat his personal best time for spinning his wedding ring (41 seconds). At the end of the night, the Letterman writers decide to donate a percentage of their salaries to the WGA strike fund.

Jan. 3-Debate breaks out between the WGA, NBC, and Jay Leno as to whether or not Leno violated strike rules by writing his own monologue. Letterman discusses the strike again that evening and mocks Huckabee for crossing picket lines.

Jan. 4-SAG announces that actors will not cross the WGA picket lines to participate in the Golden Globes awards ceremony. NBC insists the event will still go ahead as planned.

As the strike drags on into its third month, a faint light is visible in the form of independent deals that bypass the AMPTP's negotiating team. While this article was being prepared, deals were announced with United Artists (the studio also agreed to the WGA's full proposal) and the Weinstein Co., and rumors are circulating about a similar deal with Lionsgate. Alas, such a deal was not reached with the Golden Globes, as NBC remained firm that, under contract, the ceremony could only proceed if it was broadcast. The awards show was cancelled, costing the network millions in ad revenue and causing an as-yet unknown ripple through the L.A. community of party planners, limousine drivers, and other related industries.

All of us at Creative Screenwriting continue to hope a 90-day update will not be necessary.

Feeding back... my own words

2008-01-09T23:09:00.000-08:00

I think I owe an apology to Ms. Jackson for my earlier 'Feedback' dis. Not that now I think the song is amazing, but it has kinda grown on me. But I do think the video is quite cool. Directed by Saam Farahmand, the man behind New Young Pony Club's Ice Cream and Simian Mobile Disco's Hustler

ProcrasTV: Acceptable in the 80's

2008-01-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, in the midst of all these fascination with the 80's, this retro spirit that never seems to go away, it's kind of refreshing to see this kind of spoofs, which remind us that not everything was glam and new wave in those days.

Here's one from 'How I Met Your Mother'

Breakdance at Tiffany's

And another one from SNL

Cheese a maniac

Weekly News Roundup (Dec. 29- Jan. 5)

2008-01-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

- Leno back on the air sans scribes. Puhleeze. That jawline alone can spawn a month's worth of punchlines.

- Britney hospitalized, ditched by lawyers. Inspired by Leno's example, Britney proceeds to continue sparking comedy without writers.

- Hillary finishes third on Iowa cacus, retooling strategy in NH. A 'big black woman' latex suit is being made for the ocasion.

- Man falls from Manhattan skyscraper, lives to tell the horror.On the downside, the building was taken off The Suicidal Traveler's Top Ten Hot Spots list.

- Women stuck 2 days in elevator Felt sense of relief when they finally made it all the way to the top of Dolly Parton's wig.

THIS JUST IN:
- Friends Stand Up For Saudi Jailed Blogger. Unlike, you know, other blogger's friends who would leave him abandoned with a demented Chinese prostitute in a Thai prison after a horrible misunderstanding involving such blogger's ignorance of the country's sodomy laws. You bastards! You will rue the day!! I mean, huh?

Guey Awards: Comeback Kid

2008-01-03T18:31:00.000-08:00

This might be one of the coolest comebacks I've seen recently. The song is quite nice as well.

This lady, on the other hand, is in desperate need of a comeback vehicle. Or maybe some kind of vehicle to bring her back... home to Minnesota.

Mother Puss and Posh Mice

2008-01-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

"Who moved my cheese? Oh, well, I'll nurse on this cat instead."

One thing comes to mind: Another unsuspecting baby to send over to Kevin Federline.

Image from Boy Culture.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-02T00:22:00.000-08:00

ProcrasTV: The Christmas Tree (*)

2007-12-28T17:47:00.000-08:00

(*) I is a poet and I didn't know it!

Merry X-mas, güey!

2007-12-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

Wishing you the best this Holiday season! Don't be cheap, buy me something!

Image from here.

Weekly News Roundup (Dec. 15- Dec. 21)

2007-12-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

- Panthers' fans to use Jessica Simpson masks to jinx Cowboys. Always the good sport, Jessica offered to hook them up with the surgeon that gave her hers.

- Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister reveals she's pregnant. True to Spears clan form, she added that the baby is a girl, which in turn is scheduled to deliver her own baby as soon as she gets out of the womb.

- Ailing leader Fidel Castro says he doesn't intend to cling to power forever. Phew, just in time to avoid being stigmatized as a dictator.

- Store-employee learns co-worker is birth mom. The 22-year-old man reportedly regrets that in all these years hadn't thought of paging her through the PA before.

- Study shows sex ed in schools may help delay teen sex."Not if I can help it" said Britney Spears' mom, before letting out an ever-so-wicked laughter...

Exclusiva: Madonna Swears Off Homos

2007-12-19T17:12:00.000-08:00

Long-time gay icon Madonna, has decided to abdicate her throne as empress of the gay Universe, sources revealed. Speculation started at this year's Jingle Ball in Philadelphia, where producer Timbaland leaked a not-quite-HQ snippet of their upcoming collaboration, 4 Minutes To Save The World, rumored to be the first single of her upcoming album Hard Candy. Reportedly, when the crowd heard the decidedly urban-driven, radio-friendly sound of the song, everyone wondered 'Is Madge going all ex-gay on us? What's next, Scientology?' A confused local homosexual had this to say about the track: 'It's weird. This song doesn't make me want to wear Diesel jeans and do alkyl-nitrate. I don't understand.'

We approached a close acquaintance of Madonna's regarding these rumors, and here's what they had to say: "It's true. Madonna it's very disappointed with the gays. It's not like in the old days. Now, they're too busy starting families, adopting kids-- either in real life or vicariously through Angelina on TMZ; both ways equally exhausting, if you ask me. They don't pay attention to her anymore." According to this souce, originally Madge had reckoned her last album didn't do as expected because it wasn't gay enough. [And we're talking about an all disco-anthem CD featuring her in a fuchsia leotard humping a disco ball on the cover.] So she decided to take a more aggressive approach. "Her new album was going to be all homo-centric. Gay-themed versions of her classics." Tracks rumored to be included in this never-materialized album were: 'Dye Another Gay', 'Hung Wop', 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell Me', 'Open Your Arse', and 'Take A Bow... now!' However, she gave up on the project when she realized the gay community had push her aside, to focus their attention on more transcendental issues like Marriage Rights, Defamation in the media and all that manmeat in 300.

The source claims that she had exhausted every gay-porn imagery available -from
cowboy to military themes- and was even considering dressing up as a college quarterback for her upcoming album cover, before finally deciding to give up on the fanbase that seemed to have forsaken her. That doesn't mean she hasn't broken a few hearts in the process. 'I want her to go back to when you could see her in her videos, wearing the snuggest outfits, flexing her guns, and trying to blend in with people a third her age. That's what being gay stands for!' stated a certain Idaho Senator who wished to remain anonymous.

So while some remain skeptical of her pursuit of the younger, straighter ones, we'll go ahead and trust Madonna's savvy commercial instincts on this. After all, it is this way that she has managed to stick around long enough for us to be able to watch her leak at 50.

ProcrasTV: Gettin' in on the caption.

2007-12-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

If you thought Fandango's "My happiness is a golden poem" is the best send-up of Indian musical numbers, you have to see this gem. This choreographic style can only be described as Paula Abdul on drugs (...er, I mean, oh, whatever) and the best part, of course, is that it was not intended to be as funny as it is.

Putting the 'pun' back in punjab!

I say screw that Debbie Allen junk, this is what the Academy Awards dance numbers really need! ( ...though the odd part is that the video was already funny enough without the captions.)

Weekly News Roundup (Dec. 8- Dec. 14)

2007-12-14T11:59:00.001-08:00

- Brazilian villagers find 18-foot anaconda. The plus-size snake threatened to damage the careers of big-butted Latin starlets everywhere.

- Several New York Yankees players suspected of using steroids. Who woulda thunk? Loosers are users.

- North Korea responds to personal letter sent by Bush. Response says 'Please, next time no writing with crayons. Thank you.'

- Guns N' Roses lyrics cause teacher to lock self in classroom. And that was before she saw what Axel looks like nowadays.

- Katie Holmes tells magazine what turns Tom on.
Mag's fact checkers still waiting to hear back from John Travolta.

Bears Consideration

2007-12-12T10:32:00.000-08:00

This site dedicated to putting the 'mort' back in 'Mortimer' tells me I'm not alone in nominating him as Most Maleficient Cuddle-Toy of 2007. And please, Britney, stop e-mailing us. We're not going to include Sean Preston Federline in that category.

ProcrasTV: On the 6th Day... Arnold found Jesus

2007-12-10T09:47:00.001-08:00

I was aware that politicians would do anything to woo the conservative vote, but this gives new meaning to the phrase 'standing on the Christian right.' Then again, this should dissipate any rumors that the Governator is an anti-semite. For either of these two guys, this has to be at least more tolerable than Judgement Day.

"You can walk on water... but can you make me act?"

ProcrasTV: ManHint

2007-12-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

First on a series of not-so-subtle hints of items you can give a certain blogger for Christmas.

Weekly News Roundup (Dec. 1- Dec. 7)

2007-12-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

- Syria blocks Facebook over fears of Israeli "infiltration" of Syrian social networks on the Net. Israel retaliated by letting Esther and her Spicy Webcam unleash her spamming fury on their MySpace.

- Miss California USA Pageant officials rectify error, crown new beauty queen. When questioned about the cause of this error, the organizers simply filpped their blond bangs back, giggled girlishly and said 'World peace!'

- Iowa Mom Gets Probation for Attempting to Sell 4-Year-Old Son to Pay for Wedding Dress. Oh, the nerve. Doesn't she know it's dishonest and offensive to try to sell an individual not old enough to either sow buttons or strip dance?

- German authorities seek to ban Scientology, calling it 'a commercial enterprise that takes advantage of vulnerable people.' And therefore, unlike any other organized religion in history. Amen.

- Rhino poop auctioned on eBay for charity. Expect it to be the most overpriced piece of dung ever (...at least until Paris Hilton gets another record deal.)

Revolution will be TiVo'ed

2007-12-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

A basic principle of TV writing is that viewers are drawn to shows where they see themselves represented, so it's only fascinating to see this TV Guide report where US presidential candidates talk about their favorite TV shows. Of course you can expect them to give their pre-sanitized press-conference-ready, but for that reason we present you we a detailed analysis of their answers. Here's the breakdown:

1) Hillary Clinton
What she said: Her favorite shows are HGTV makeover shows, Grey's Anatomy, American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
What it says about her: The central dramatic element in makeover shows is acceptance, in Idol and Stars is popularity while in Grey's is Katherine Heigl's ass. Expect her to use all three as deciding criteria if she become's president.
If her presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: Commander in Chief, were Geena Davis is like a female version of her.
Not on her TiVo: Monica Lewinsky's dating show, Mr. Personality

2) John Edwards
What he said: Mentions Perry Mason as favorite all time show and Sam Malone from Cheers as favorite all time character.
What it says about him: He hasn't been near a TV set since the Reagan administration.
If his presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: Three's Company if only 'cause he looks like John Ritter, no?
Not on his TiVo: We would say Fred Thompson on Law & Order... but he names it as his guilty pleasure. (WTF?)

3) John McCain
What he said: Claims to like Prison Break, "because as a fellow prisoner, I always dreamed and plotted how I would break out of the Hanoi Hilton."
What it says about him: This uncalled-for bragging quip shows this is a man who's very mature for his age.
If his presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: 24, with the 72-year-old Senator having people wondering if he'll make it alive 'till the end.
Not on his TiVo: Sex And The City, so not even his TiVo would dare to think he's gay.

4) Barack Obama
What he said: His favorite TV character of all time is SpongeBob SquarePants.
What it says about him: Isn't a man who has a pink starfish for best friend the ultimate metrosexual?
If his presidential tenure would be a TV show it would be: Flavor Of Love, because no other African-American fella could make so many white men go green with envy.
Not on his TiVo: Commander in Chief.

Bad News, Bear

2007-12-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

This Just In: Famous cyberhitchhiker Mortimer, the travelling bear, has been kidnapped in Colombia by the FARC guerrilla. Please be kind to share this proof of life with the bear's next of kin. (Tinsley Mortimer?)

Cyberspace is not the place to rely on the kindness of strangers.

Weekly News Roundup (Nov. 24-Nov. 30)

2007-11-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

- British teacher in Sudan sentenced to prison, possible lashing for letting toddlers name a Teddy bear after Muslim prophet. As for the other parties involved, the kids were penalized with a harsher sentence of no naps for a week and removal of all non-primary color crayon privileges.

- Diplomatic relations between UK and Sudan strained after Teddy bear incident, while angry mob calls for the teacher's execution. However, the 'Muhammed bear' has still a way to go before decrowning Mortimer The Traveling Bear as 2007 Most Maleficient Cuddle Toy.

- Shocking study reveals two thirds of NYU students would up give up their right to vote for a year's tuition, while 20% say an iPhone touch would do. Politicians: don't be discouraged just yet. These people are known to drop their price tag after two beers and a roofie.

- Dutch police arrests teenager for stealing virtual furniture from social networking site. Who could have foreseen that technology would provide with all these brand new venues of crime for OJ Simpson to perpetrate and get acquitted of?

- Canadians' beer drinking habit might be a threat to the environment. Dude, first Celine Dion and now this?.

THIS JUST IN: Study Says Waiting Too Long to Have Sex Linked to Sexual Dysfunction Later in Life. Producers of Porky's, American Pie as well as impatient high school boyfriends everywhere to be presented with medal of honor for selfless services in the field of public health.

Not since the times of Helen of Troy has the world seen so much political turmoil over some dusty 'ol piece of rug.

True Dat, Rat (Part 2)

2007-11-30T08:22:00.000-08:00

Pearls Before Swine, by Stephan Pastis

From here

ProcrasTV: Gimme Moore

2007-11-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

This is a video for the intersecting demographics of fans of hefty lefty Michael Moore, prison-docs watchers and Scandinavophiliacs in general. Sweet place indeed, but bear in mind this kind of social stability can't be achieved overnight.

(Unless you live in a country where night lasts for six months.)

Nor-Güey, Jose!

Exclusiva: Personal (Shopper) Jesus

2007-11-26T17:06:00.000-08:00

"What Would Jesus Buy?" is the title of a new documentary produced by Morgan Spurlock, designed to portrait the anti-consumerism efforts of an artist to convert people to his "Church of Stop Shopping." Although probably intended as a rhetorical question, the title sparked our curiosity enough to have a brief interview with the original life-savior JC himself, so he could give us some insight into what items made it into his shopping list this season. Here's what we got.

SHOPPER PROFILE
Name: Jesus Of Nazareth
Occupation: Messiah, (also known for his brief stint as a painting model during the Renaissance)
Age: 33
Ethnicity: Jewish, Middle-Eastern.

WHAT'S ON MY WISH LIST

1) When In Rome, (DVD). Starring Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen.

JC Sez: "I like the Olsen twins. Other people claim to follow my footsteps, but they're the ones who try harder. From the Boho look, to the cult status, to the endless fasting, they really 'nail' it -no pun intended. I also like Rome. I don't know why, but I always feel at home over there."

2) Crocs Clogs.

JC Sez: "Very useful when waking on damp surfaces like, you know, water."

3) SAMPAR Skin Care products.

JC Sez: : "Not for me, though. It's for all those lepers I cured. I feel I kinda owe them. They didn't have to worry about these things before I came along. All I can say to them is 'I can give you back your skin but, daily moisturizing, that's a whole nother issue.' "

4) Cher- The Farewell Tour (DVD)

JC Sez: "I've always sympathized with Cher. We've both achieved success without the help of a last name and we've been around for about the same time. However, I never had a particular interest in her, until this thing kept popping up on my Amazon.com recommendations list. All I did was type that I was 33 and single. Odd."

5) Electric Wood Chipper

JC Sez: "Next time they won't get me, I'll be waiting for them! (Laughs) Just kidding."

PRODUCTS THAT WILL NEVER MAKE IT TO YOUR SHOPPING LIST: "Anything related to The Da Vinci Code. But not because of what they say about me. It's just that Tom Hanks mane. It's just sinful."

Alright, people. These are a few things to keep in mind. After all, His birthday is just around the corner.

Maybe Sesame Street really isn't suitable for children after all...

2007-11-23T19:25:00.001-08:00

Late Bird special.

Happy Thanksgiving!

From here

Weekly News Roundup (Nov. 17-Nov. 23)

2007-11-23T16:32:00.000-08:00

- Citizens of Lebanon left in confusion, as huge void sits atop of its government. This wouldn't happen in America. Here they would promptly find a way to have the vacuum re-elected for a second term and have it send the country to war.

- Writers' strike blamed on delaying Da Vinci Code prequel, starring Tom Hanks and his hair. And you thought the whole point of a strike was to make people fear it would have a negative impact on their lives.

- A new film starring Angelina Jolie as a cave-dwelling reptilian creature that preys on men's weaknesses, to seduce them and destroy them, opens in the US. And aside from this interesting Jennifer Aniston-financed documentary, the film Beowulf also hits theatres.

- Detroit named most dangerous city in the US. And if you have a problem with that, the city will smash you with another Supremes-inspired movie-musical starring Beyoncé.

- Surgeons remove ten-pound hairball from woman's stomach. On the lighter side, we finally get to know who's Jodie Foster been dating all this time.

Times are a-changin'

2007-11-21T20:50:00.000-08:00

A few signs that times might be catching up wtih us:

- Big Bird's early DVD's relegated to adult section. In which, with a name like that, we foresee a great future.

- Born to be wired. Hollywood young'uns just can't wait to have their first OD, can't they?

- This isn't your grandma's nude calendar. ...Or is it?

- My old mule ain't what it used to be. Drug mule, that is.

Big Bird and Adult Videos: Birds of a feather...?

Weekly News Roundup (Nov. 10-Nov. 16)

2007-11-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

- Britney outraged at positive drug test result. Blames it on asthma inhaler. That would have gone down well, hadn't the authorities realized that Brit tends to fill her inhaler with crack-cocaine.

- Up to ten deaths that occurred in the US in the last 18 months, have been attributed to a strain of the common cold. Different government organizations join forces in an effort to keep this news hidden from overprotective mothers and grandmas all over the nation.

- Doomsday cult in southern Russia hole up, threaten massive suicide. Luckily, Tom Cruise showed up to relieve the tension with a fresh pitcher of Kool Aid!

- Lohan completes daylong sentence in just 84 minutes. This is not the first time she shows her gift for outpacing the world. Let's not forget her successful attempt to look like a middle-aged stripper by age 21.

- Spanish King Tells Venezuelan President Chavez to 'Shut Up.' Yes but, where was he when Chavez was recording his Ranchero CD?

Guey Awards: Best UnAcceptance Speech 2007, new additions.

2007-11-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

Here's a few additions to the candidates to this blog's own Güey Award for Best UnAcceptance Speech 2007. As you all now, the winner in this category will take home a golden statue of Cleopatra, Queen of de Nile. The award is bestowed upon the gentleman of homosexual persuasion who comes up with the best excuse after being caught red handed cruising for a bruising. The newest additions are:

1) "I was feeling sick, my friend was only trying to help me."
- Boyband US5's Richie Stringini, explaining why he was photographed shirtless at a Berlin gay club's bathroom stall, with the aforementioned friend's face in his crotch.

2) "He said he was going to take me to a party with 'really cool girls."
- Mexican gossip TV reporter Fabian Lavalle, after being found tied up and beaten up, at a seedy hotel into which he checked in with a guy who 'turned out' to be a male escort.

Here's the breakdown:

According to the experts, Mr. Lavalle has definitely have to score some extra points for his chuzpah. He wants people to believe he picked up a random guy on a Mexico City street, in the middle of the night, and followed him into a sketchy hotel because some 'cool ladies' were waiting for him. Because, you know, that's what famous TV straight guys have to resort to when trying to score some poo tang. A famous guy driving a bimmer is such a turn off that they have to recruit the wingman services of the much more appealing male prostitute.

However, hats -and maybe other things- have to be tipped to Mr. Stringini who, instead of hugging the spotlight, decides to give his friend well-deserved props. According to his version, he was feeling ill in such a way, that his friend had to take him into a bathroom stall, take his shirt off and sink his face in his crotch, runnning the risk of people misinterpreting the situation, all to make the singer feel better. I'm not sure about the healing effects of such maneuvre but, hey, I wish I had more friends who'd be willing to do the same for me. Oh, and he also claims he had no idea the club was gay. Right. Now, you might not have heard of this band US5, but apparently they're big in Germany. As to how big, well, you might have to ask Richie's friend.

So it seems the race for this award is getting tighter. Let's see how things turn out when the time comes to hand out the prize, which is rumoured to be presented by Clay Aiken. Stay tuned.

Weekly News Roundup (Nov. 3-Nov. 9)

2007-11-10T11:56:00.000-08:00

- Tom Cruise spotted waiting for Katie Holmes at NY Marathon's finishing line. Strangely, at the sight of him, she proceeded to turn around and started running another 20 miles in the opposite direction.

- Dancing With The Stars contestants worried over rumored curse on the show's former participants. Because, you know, these guys were SO on a roll before the show.

- A-Rod allegedly walks out 'cause team won't meet $350 million pricetag. Man, please! Think of all these poor kids in Africa who can't afford tickets to watch the Yankees suck.

- Little girl in India scheduled for surgery to have her extra set of extremities removed. Parents said to use spare limbs to pay for outstanding iPhone bill.

- Singer Amy Winehouse cries as her husband goes to jail. They tried to make me give a damn about it and I said 'No, no, no.'

Quote Of The Day

2007-11-08T15:08:00.000-08:00

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
-Anonymous.

Deep thoughts left on the walls of dowtown Manhattan's Palais Royal.

True Dat, Rat

2007-11-06T12:58:00.000-08:00

Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis

From here.

ProcrasTV: Travel and Culture

2007-11-06T10:46:00.000-08:00

Another reason why I root for Japanese world domination.

NewsQuiz: Short Essay Edition.

2007-11-06T10:37:00.000-08:00

In the event that the world world turned into a Big Brother kind of of show -and at the rate reality programming is going, that's not so far fetched- and the two people nominated to be voted off the house were Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and gossip blogger Perez HIlton, who would you vote off and why? Please provide a short answer below.

ProcrasTV: Pimp My Video Spoof Edition.

2007-11-02T14:16:00.000-07:00

In case you needed yet another excuse not to be productive today, here's a selection of a very few funny takes on very popular videos. Some of them achieved the impressive feat of being even more ludicrous than the originals. Enjoy.

Alanis Morissette "My Humps"

Britney Spears "Gimme More (Pills)"

Madonna "Movies"

Got a favorite video spoof? You're more than welcome to share it in the comment section of this post.

Weekly News Roudnup (Oct. 27-Nov. 2)

2007-11-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

- Marriage 'Expert' on Saudi TV Advises Men in 'Right Way' to Beat Their Wives. World quickly conjures secret plot to set him up with Ann Coulter.

- Man puts Texas for sale on eBay. Pulls down the ad after realizing the legal consequences of such a sizeable offer of armament and trans fat.

- Bush declares "History teaches us that underestimating the words of evil, ambitious men is a terrible mistake." Somewhere in the world, Alanis Morissette is checking the weather forecast for her wedding day.

- US charity launches coffee-scented condoms in Ethiopia. They will come in sizes tall, grande and '...can't we just cuddle?'

- Former Football Player Sues Iona College After Losing Leg to Staph Infection C'mon, man. What would be going to college without catching some nasty bug?

NewsQuiz: Britney Speaks.

2007-11-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

Subject: Music, Entertainment.

In her new single, Britney Spears daringly asks the world "Do you want a piece of me?"

From the following sentences, pick the one that completes this note the best.

a) This comes to add itself to the list of traits that make the singer similar to a KFC bucket.

b) The world then responded with a collective 'No, thanks, Britney. We're on a low-fat diet.'

c) This and her skimpy VMA outfit just go to show that even after the media, Justin, K-Fed, Perez Hilton and the DMV have helped themselves... man, there's still a TON of Britney to go around.

d) Federal authorities and record executives are still trying to find someone who genuinly cares about this.

Weekly News Roudnup (Oct. 20-26)

2007-10-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

- Bronx priest outraged at drug transactions effectuated inside his church. Hey, if you had to sit through his sermons, you'd be trying to score a little booster too.

- New Yorkers scorned as Giuliani expresses support for Red Sox. Hey, we're OK with you bailing out on the Democratic Party, double-crossing your first and second wives, doing business with Chavez, but THIS??? Have you got no decency?!

- 'Lost' actor has DUI charges dropped. Authorities were fed up with waiting for him to be done with his emotional flashback.

- Britney horrifies the world with her plump lips. On the bright side, this time she managed to do it while keeping her panties on.

- Dumbledore is gay. Really? The mature, single gentleman, who wears Kathy-Bates-like dresses and has a flare for dramatic entrances? You don't say!

ProcrasTV: Cult freaks and Coult er

2007-10-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to this new section of my blog. For those in need of some distraction at work, but can't be bothered to find your own YouTube fix, I present you a few selections.

A new fascist instrument of mind domination has been exposed by my fellow Güeymen south of the border. It's this video called 'Obedece a la Morsa,' roughly translated as 'Obey the Walrus.' Hmmm, is that what dubbya's middle initial stands for?

But I have to say my favorite take on this Goddess Bunny-inspired clip comes from this candid customization.

Now, a freak of nature of a different kind is masterfully portraited by Drew Barrymore in this hillarious SNL sketch, which I hope you enjoy.

UPDATE: It seems the video with Drew Barrymore as Ann Coulter was removed, but you can find another earlier version of this sketch here.

Now please be so kind to get back to work, right agüey. Thank you.

Guey Awards: Best UnAcceptance Speech 2007

2007-10-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

The front-runners in this race are:

1) "I have a wide stance."
- Republican Sen. Larry Craig when asked to explain why he was playing footsie with an undercover cop at a Minneapolis airport bathroom. As to why he was sneaking his hand under the wall stall to reach the officer? "I was trying to pick up a piece of paper."

2) "Cruising the Internet for minors? No, I was just doing field research for my psychiatric work."
- Italian priest Tommaso Stenico after he was secretly filmed making advances to a young man he met online.

3) "I'm not gay. I just offered the stocky black guy $20 and oral sex because I was afraid I'd be attacked by him and the other black men in the area"
-Florida Republican Legislator Bob Allen, after being arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover cop in a Florida public restroom. Allen claims he feared becoming "another statistic."

What the experts say:

Given that this award is given on the merits of creative writing (e.g. talking your way out of a crappy spot.), it's hard to pick a winner. Experts and pundits point out that all of them have cleverly resorted to sensitive issues to justify their actions.

Here's the breakdown:

Stenico wanted to show how the Catholic Church is embracing the new millenium, by using the information superhighway to do what's been doing for years: reach out to, er, touch the heads of youngsters everywhere.

On the other hand, Larry Craig opted for a more sophisticated approach. He cleverly throws you off by making you ponder 'why would anyone want to pick-up a piece of paper -hell, ANYTHING at all- from the nasty floor of an airport bathroom?' But he knows you'll find the answer quickly: Global Warming. By valiantly saving that piece of paper from ending up un-recycled, Mr. Craig made sure he was on his way to make his 'wide' carbon footprint a bit smaller. Hey, if that angle made people watch a documentary starring Al Gore...

But my money has to be on Bob Allen. First of all, he trusts the audience will automatically empathize with his argument, because clearly everyone knows that the best way to avoid being attacked by a bunch of black dudes -even if they're just roaming around minding their own business- is, of course, offering them 20 bucks and a bj (second only to distracting them with a basketball.) This strategy never fails, and if you're good enough at it, it might even get you a guest spot in an upcoming urban radio hit. Second, he hopes that instead of being labeled gay, people will hopefully out him as racist and send him to rehab. Rehab! All that free press and rounds of post-rehab talk show time! You have to admit chunky's got brains. Plus, Allen must be rubbing his hands together, at the thought of being stranded 28 days with only him, Isaiah Washington and a wad of twenties.

So as you can see these favorites will be tough to beat, but I guess we'll have to wait until the year is over until all is said and done.

News Quiz: This note has legs.

2007-10-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

"Authorities To Return Amputated Leg To South Carolina Man

MAIDEN, N.C. -- Authorities say a South Carolina man who mistakenly lost his amputated leg when it was sold in a barbecue smoker at a public auction will get the appendage back.
John Wood had been battling to regain custody of the leg from Shannon Whisnant. Whisnant found the leg in a barbecue smoker he purchased at an auction of Wood's belongings last week.
Wood's leg was amputated three years ago after an airplane crash. He had been keeping the leg so it could be cremated with him when he dies."

From the following sentences, choose the one that better completes the previous newsnote:

a) This is the most ridiculous redneck feud over a human body part since Tommy Lee and Kid Rock fought over Pamela Anderson's ass at the VMA's.

b) Paris Hilton released a statement expressing her simpathy, claiming she knows what it feels to go through life not knowing where your legs are going to end up next.

c) It's been rumoured that Lindsay Lohan has demanded the right to personally inspect the barbecue smoker closely, thinking that could be the place where she left her dignity.

d)The former owner of the leg said it'd be sad to see his limb go, but on the other hand he seemd optimitstic since he has been offered custody of Britney's kids.

News Quiz: IRANGAyTE

2007-10-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon."

From the following sentences, choose the one that better completes the previous newsnote:

a) The President then added "...we just have a lot of men who get curious and frisky when drunk."

b) "We just have a lot of sensitive, good looking men who haven't found the right girl yet."

c) I guess that would account for the beige carpeting, pleaded khaki and nasal hair epidemic.

d) ...so, who designs all those cute burqas then?

e) In other news, Madonna just cancelled her future tour dates in Teheran, and Diesel stores have undefinitely folded their plans to set shop in the region.

f) Funny. My dad made a similar statement once regarding his family...

I'm with stupid.

2007-10-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

Tori keeps it real, on Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears et al.

Behind every great man...

2007-10-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

I found this video rather instructing.

Come to think of it, have you ever seen Kylie Minogue and George Michael on the same place at the same time? Is that why he's baked all the time, to keep himself in his 'lower range'? (And how low can he go, anyway?) And is that why he's asking for 'Fast love' while she begs to go 'Slow'? And if you slow down Britney's music, how does that sound like? Clay Aiken? Or, at what speed do you have to play it for her to sound like an actual singer? And how slow must Paris be... to be finally declared mentally impaired? I think this just gives us a glimpse at Pandora's box. (Hey, at least it's not Britney's.)

Welcome.

2007-10-17T22:56:00.000-07:00

I finally brought myself to create this den of debauchery and snarkiness. Tired of dealing with the toughts that stream out of my head, I decided to share them with the world. I hope you enjoy.